Don’t Hesitate – Procrastinate!

Posted on July 22, 2014 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

Have you ever lost focus?  Have you ever avoided certain situations or decisions without an obvious reason?  Have you ever felt bad about not moving on with a project or a relationship without knowing what exactly stopped you?  Have you ever paid late fees because you postponed checking the mail?  Have you ever decided to start an exercise program but never made it to the gym?  If you answer yes to just one of these questions you are at least a part-time procrastinator.  Welcome to the club with an endless number of members who have one thing in common: they all feel frustrated about procrastinating and don’t know how to end the vicious cycle.

Many books have been written on this topic and there are many explanations for what leads people to become procrastinators.  Procrastination is not a genetic disease or a substantial part of your personality.  It is an attitude or habit that can be changed.  There are many causes, such as a lack of self-confidence or a certain degree of fear.  The list of possible causes is long.  In fact, the list can increase your disappointment in yourself while feeding the inner-critic who lives happily ever after on fear and self-doubt.

I am a procrastinator in certain areas of my life.  I simply avoid moving on with certain projects and instead I get lost in stuff that is neither important nor fulfilling.  I beat myself up for this behavior, thinking that I should do one thing or another.  The “I should do list” is long and, coming to think about it, I wonder if it is even worthwhile to start working through it, anyway.  It feels like being lost in a big forest.  There are so many trees and I wonder if there is a way out.  There is a sense of panic and self-condemnation for having been so stupid to get lost in the first place.  It feels awful and a desire to run around in distress, which also does not help solve the dilemma.

Feeling overwhelmed and getting frustrated about the inability to get things going makes the situation worse.  This is procrastination at its worst and makes it hard to find an exit out of stagnation.  Instead, accepting what is and finding a safe place for yourself (emotionally) can sometimes be a more efficient way out of procrastination.  Once we accept what is, we lose our fears, which are the biggest drivers for procrastination.  Feature quote next to photo. Once the fear is gone, the roadblock has been lifted and the path is free.

I do not want to underestimate the effects of procrastination, and I am not defending the fact that I keep a pile of mail for a month before I am willing to work through it.  Nevertheless I am not doing this totally blindfolded.  I am aware of my procrastination and I understand what prevents me from putting off certain projects, preferring instead to clean my bookshelves.  This awareness of knowing why I am not doing what I truly want to do keeps me in charge of my life.  I hesitate doing certain things because I am not ready yet.  Procrastination has become a tool for prioritizing and finding an order of what needs to be done and when.

If you procrastinate while being fully aware and understanding what keeps you from doing certain things, you don’t surrender to your fear, and instead you collect your thoughts and emotions until you are ready to act.  Take the time to look into your fears and worries, examine your motives for your passive behavior and don’t feel pushed into action because of what others expect from you.  Don’t hesitate – procrastinate, and live life on your own timing.  Some people are faster, others are slower in their decisions and their abilities to act or move on with projects.  You only need outside help when you realize that fear is paralyzing you and nothing is ever going to happen.

As a coach I have often worked with people on procrastination, and there are many ways to approach this issue.  Please let me know if I can help you – a first interview is without charge and can help you to find perspectives.

In the meantime dust your bookshelves if it helps you, and when the time is ready show the world that procrastinating is not always a habitual failure but a tool to find time and direction in a hectic and fast-living world.

Be a woman and act like one.

I offer Business Coaching and Consulting services in Paso Robles, San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara and Ventura County.  I also work as a Personal Coach and Problem Solving Mentor providing Life Coaching services throughout SLO County.  Please contact me; the first consultation is free of charge.

To purchase my latest book that will inspire you to Be a Woman & Act Like One, click here.

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The Effects of Speaking Truth

Posted on June 10, 2014 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

My son Sherman dislikes when I speak truth, in particular in public.  He is 11 years old and when I say anything in public that raises attention, he simply says: Mooooomm and starts pulling on my sleeve. I think he stretches the word to clearly express how embarrassed he is.

I admit that I am rather extrovert and have no problem saying what I think needs to be said.  If I am not happy with the service at a shop, I talk to the shop assistant and make my point heard.  When I feel ignored at a public place either by a waiter at a restaurant or at any other place that offers client service, I call for attention by addressing the person.  I am always polite and respectful and I don’t mean to hurt the other person’s feelings.  When I speak up about something, I do so with the purpose of clarifying the situation.  I share my point of view, understanding at the same time that I might not be right.  When I do this, I am offering communication and an exchange of different perspectives.

Speaking truth can open the gate for dialogue, assuming the other partner is capable of doing the same.  If that is not the case, the person speaking truth might appear hurtful or aggressive, and the other person might even get angry.  Speaking truth in a relationship can be even harder.  If your partner is not ready or capable of an honest exchange of viewpoints, speaking truth might have unpleasant results.  Would you consider this a valuable reason to keep on pretending and not being honest?  I don’t think so.  I am sure you all have little anecdotes that prove my point.

Quite often there is no absolute right or wrong, and therefore there is no judge needed.  There is simply an exchange of viewpoints, which gives everyone involved in the discussion the opportunity to express his or her view.

Bocca della Verità (Mouth of Truth) in Rome

Let me give you an example: I am upset because a good friend of mine always arrives late for our invitations.  I tell her that I feel a lack of respect by her behavior and that it upsets me.  My friend will not be happy to hear my complaint, but if she responds, we might be able to solve the problem.  Knowing that her behavior hurts my feelings might motivate her to change her behavior.  However, she might have a perfectly good reason for being late.  By speaking truth, I open the dialogue, and this helps both of us.

“Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

 

Speaking truth in a more serious context might also trigger vulnerability because others will see you for who you really are.  You will open your heart or talk about hurt feelings and disappointments.  Any façade that you have built will be demolished and you reveal your true self.  Although open and honest communication involves some risk, this is the only way to improve the way people interact.

It does not matter if it happens in your private life or in a business scenario, speaking up and being honest about your point of view is a strong skill as long as you are doing it in a “non-violent” way (read Marshall Rosenberg: Making Peace).  You have your perspective, while others might have a different view.  When all positions are put on the table in a civil manner with an open mind, they can be discussed and common ground can be found.  However, if you believe that there is only your truth, nothing will change or the situation might get worse.

If I tell my partner that I have recently felt neglected in our relationship and he gets upset without any further conversation, my truth will not lead to improving our relationship.  Instead, if I use “my truth” as an invitation to my partner to share his “truth,” which might entail a perfectly reasonable explanation, we can have a constructive dialogue that can resolve the problem.  All of this, of course, is purely hypothetical, or maybe not?  I will have to discuss this with my husband.

Why don’t you do the same and start speaking truth in your life.  I would love for you to share your anecdotes with us.  All women are hungry for truth as long as you don’t tell us we look fat in our new outfit!

Be a woman and act like one.  

I offer Business Coaching and Consulting services in Paso Robles, San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara and Ventura County.  I also work as a Personal Coach and Problem Solving Mentor providing Life Coaching services throughout SLO County.  Please contact me; the first consultation is free of charge.

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Dress for Success

Posted on May 13, 2014 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

Women often ask me what to wear at work or how to dress appropriately for certain occasions. I am honored even though I am not a fashion expert. I have always been interested in fashion, and I confess that I have more clothes than I would ever need and I probably also spend more money on clothes than necessary. Since my husband moved out of our walk-in closet (no worries, he moved out of the walk-in only), there is even more room for me to live my secret passion of clothes.

I worked in the advertising industry for many years and the dress code was very relaxed. We could basically wear anything we wanted with a few exceptions such as client meetings and presentations.  Everyone working in the client service simply knew how to present themselves and the company appropriately.

What is ‘appropriate’ when we are talking about the way women dress? What are the differences in various industries? Do I wear the latest trend or can I still wear my clothes from previous seasons? Can I dress up sassy or would I be more subdued? The best answer to these questions is from Coco Chanel:

“Fashion fades, only style remains the same.”

Fashion is a trend, while style means personality and taste. It does not matter if you are wearing the latest trend, and it is not necessarily about looking more elegant than sexy. Instead it is about finding your style that reveals your personality and gives you the comfort and confidence you need to be successful. If fashion becomes a masquerade there is something severely wrong with your sense of looking good.

My book “Be a woman and act like one. Succeeding in Business and Life” has a chapter on this topic encouraging women to find their own style and define their own signature look.  I wrote: Where is the real beauty, the stylish woman with self-confidence and a touch of elegance? You will find these women, the real eye-catchers, who do not use their outfits to make them shine but who shine by the beauty of their personality and simply wear an outfit to match.

The way you dress casts a light on who you are, and you better make sure that you are not sending the wrong message. If you have a sassy personality, there is nothing wrong with expressing it also through the way you dress. If you are more introverted, you will probably feel more confident in an outfit that does not provoke or scream for attention. However, you don’t want to be invisible by wearing an outfit that hardly differentiates you from the office carpet.

It does not matter whether you are in a business environment or any other social event; presenting yourself in the best possible light is like showing your business card. It is also part of your personal branding and adds to the whole picture of who you are and what you represent.

In my blog from 2010 with the topic ‘The Devil Wears Prada” I shared a few basic rules. Let me summarize and add a few more points that will help you work with this topic.

  • Show who you are and create your own personal look.
  • Quality always trumps quantity.
  • Feel comfortable and self-confident in your outfit.
  • Accessories make the picture perfect.
  • Don’t break the bank.

We women are often very self-conscious about our looks, and we are strongly influenced by fashion. We want to look good, no matter what. We search for the answer in fashion magazines. We stare at the airbrushed beauties with no flaws and perfect bodies, and we feel so imperfect and inadequate.  Oh how I know that feeling, but at the same time I am not willing to surrender.

If you want to dress for success, there is only one way – Your Way! Find your personal style and stick to it. You will be authentic and real, and you will certainly be more attractive and interesting.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe

Be a woman and act like one. Please share your fashion advice and stories with us.

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Speaking From Your Heart and Horses

Posted on April 17, 2014 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

In one of my previous blogs I talked about my love and respect for horses. I have loved horses and been an equestrian for almost my entire life. Horses have always been my best friends, my therapists, my teachers and above all my healers. What I have learned from horses I could not have learned from anybody else.

What makes horses and our relationships with them so special? Horses listen to us and communicate with us in a non-verbal way, which is clear, non-judgmental and very powerful. People waste words all the time before they finally get to the root of what they really want to say. Words can be deceiving, distracting and often lead to misunderstandings and confusion.

Words, of course, are necessary in human interaction. One reason is that this would also make anything written redundant, which is unimaginable. Nobody wants to live a life without all the beautiful literature and poetry. We need words – talking, reading and writing. But words that don’t come from the heart are suspicious. Unfortunately there are too many words that have nothing to do with the heart and are instead shot like weapons with the intention to harm another person. Then there are the words that are like the peel of an orange, which cover what we really care about – the sweet and delightful fruit. Using words to shield the essence are the words that make it so difficult for human beings to communicate. We spend time and effort to “peel the orange,” hoping to discover the truth about the other person and his or her message to us. Sometimes we find the truth, but not always, which can be very frustrating and demotivating. Most communication between people consists of peeling away layers until the “real message” or truth is finally disclosed.

Horses communicate in a different way, both with each other and also with us humans. You can hide your true message or your true self under layers, but horses sense when you are not authentic. Horses meet you somatically.  If your message (your words) is not in tune with how you feel, a horse will express doubt and even disbelief. A person can verbally express a purpose and be fully convinced that this is exactly what is wanted. Is the body in tune with what has been thought in the brain? If there is an imbalance between what is thought and what is felt, there are no words that can cover up this conflict and convince a horse of your intention.

Working with horses in my coaching practice has given me the opportunity to experience this first hand. I do powerful exercises with my clients like “leading in hand” where horses reveal what is happening in a person. If the person makes a declaration that is a deeply felt intention, the horse will confirm this declaration, and the horse will also sense when your statement was just a result of a thought process that is not genuinely embodied in the person.

If you want to learn more about where you are right now in your life, for example, starting a new business, changing your life, searching for a new life partner, overcoming a crisis or building your leadership skills, I will work with you and one of my “Equine Guided Educator” (EGE) horses and get closer to your truth.

I am certified as an Equine Guided Educator (CEGE) trained to work with horses as part of the coaching process. Let me know if you are interested in this topic and would like to visit our ranch near Paso Robles for some ‘one-on-one coaching.’ I can promise you a powerful experience with the best trainer in the world: a horse.

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The Power of the First Impression

Posted on March 13, 2014 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

I consider myself to be a very intuitive woman. I often make decisions without checking all the facts.  I decide on what I sense is right, which is mostly a fast response without methodically evaluating pros and cons.  Enemies of this approach might call this “too emotional” and believe that due diligence is needed before acting.  I call this using your intuition.

There is truth in both viewpoints and I don’t want to deny the necessity of collecting facts on a matter or problem before resolving it.  There are many situations in life when due diligence seems to make sense, but still the final decision is often based on your unconscious mind known as your senses, gut feeling, or intuition.  Let me give you a couple of examples, perhaps similar to your own experiences.

When my husband and I went house hunting, we knew whether a house would be right for us the moment we stepped through the front door.  We did not need to see the fact sheet to know that the house was or was not right for us.  The first impression was the moment of decision and no facts could change our minds.

Do you recall shopping for a blouse, dress or jewelry this way?  You saw something in the shop window and knew immediately that it was what you wanted.  If someone had asked you why you felt that way, you probably could not have explained your reasons.  It just felt right.

In a business scenario, successful managers often make decisions based on their gut feelings.  They cannot explain why a deal or offer seems right or wrong.  They simply sense the right decision within the first moments without first having to analyze all of the facts.

When I met my husband for the first time, I knew he was the one.  I felt attracted to him before I knew much about him.  Trust me; at that time there were many facts speaking against our relationship and friends and family members never tired in presenting these facts to me on a golden tray to change my mind.  They were not successful, glad to say.  We have been happily married for almost 15 years.

Since our society is so mind-driven and fact-oriented, it takes a lot of courage to allow your senses to prevail.  I understand your worries, but at the same time I encourage you to allow your intuition or instincts to unfold.  In my book Be a woman and act like one. Succeeding in business and life, I talk about this topic in the chapter “Follow Your Instincts”.  Use the power of the first impression to your advantage and have the courage to express how you feel.

For more encouragement and deeper explanation I recommend Malcom Gladwell, the author of the book Blink.  He illustrates intuition with amazing examples of the power of the first moment.  He also cites examples from the world of science which prove his theory that someone can sense the right decision in the blink of an eye.

I highly recommend this book.  Gladwell suggests implementing techniques to short-circuit prejudices in our every day lives.  In this way, he contends, we can reconnect with and benefit from the power of the “blink,” the intuitive moment.

Here is a link to an excerpt of his book – the introduction.

Enjoy!

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Love What You Do and Do What You Love

Posted on February 6, 2014 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

Excerpt of my book, Be a woman and act like one. Succeeding in Business and life.

The stories of women taking jobs they never wanted, living commitments they would have never expected, and being in positions they really don’t like are endless. But don’t get misled by images of failure and frustration. Instead, let us look at how you can do what you love and love what you do.

First of all, I want to remind you that you are the composer of your life. There is no excuse for a false note. Beethoven would not have been granted recognition for a symphony that was painful to our ears. He was responsible for every single tone, and so are you. There is no time for making excuses; when things go wrong, take responsibility for your actions. Having said this, I want to invite you to take a closer look at your life. If there is any false note, go ahead and correct it. If there is a problem with rhythm, you must change it. A life’s symphony is like an unfinished piece of art. You have the chance to refine it every single minute of your life until you are happy with it. Maybe a few years later you recognize something else you were not ready to see before. It does not matter as long as you work on it once you realize what is missing. This sounds all very metaphorical, but once you translate it into your life, you will find that if you live your life like the composer of a symphony, you feel empowered, creative, and happy.

Every young woman that enters the job market will find it hard to hit the ground running. It can be a very frustrating process to go from interview to interview and find out that you did not get the job. Don’t give up, and don’t compromise too much. If you are looking for a certain position, shoot for it. Prepare yourself, convince yourself that you can do it, and work on the arguments that convince the interviewer that you are the right fit for the job. Learn from the rejections, and make it better the next time. I strongly believe that if you really want something, you can get it. If you are deeply motivated to get a certain position, you will finally get it. Yes, there might be a transition phase where you have to become an assistant before you become a manager, but as long as whatever you do leads into the desired direction, it is the right way to go.

When I applied for my first job as an account manager in the advertising industry and they offered me a secretary position, I refused the offer. This was not leading in the right direction. If they had offered me the junior account manager position, I would have taken it as the first step in the right direction. You have got to be careful that you don’t get lost in a transition phase. Try to avoid sidetracks; instead, stay on your path in the direction you want to go. If it does not work out the first try, don’t be afraid to move on. There are more job opportunities waiting for you.

There are also cases where managers are deeply unhappy within their position in a company. They complain, they are frustrated, and finally they lose their motivation. It seems like they have given up, and they feel that they do not even have a voice anymore. This is the worst scenario I can think of: total defeat with no way out! They usually keep the job, because they feel dependent and committed to the obligations. But their life turns into a waste—a life not worth living. I have a lot of compassion for these people. At the same time, I feel like I want to shake them and yell at them to wake up and get back into the driver’s seat. How can anybody waste a precious life like that? We have no second chance for another life, and therefore we must take the opportunities that we have. Even within an unhappy job situation, you have choices other than suffering—the choice to leave, the choice to change, or the choice to grow. What do I mean by that? If you are not happy with the rules of a game, you cannot simply break them without taking the consequences. You have the choice to drop out of the game, but a smarter choice is to first learn the rules. The better you know them, the better you can use them to your own advantage. Simply fighting rules is useless and does not bring you the desired effect. Instead, becoming the master of the rules gives you the knowledge to play with them the way you want to.

It is time for you to stop lamenting about the company, the boss, and the boring meetings and fight with the weapons invented by the opponents. Don’t show defeat, but be assertive and stand up for what you think is right and needs to be done. Become active and outgoing and leave the state of thinking you are a victim. You always have the choice to leave the company, but before you decide to withdraw, you first have to make sure you played as hard as you could. You will be surprised about the newly developed energy that will be driving you—others will be surprised too. In the end you will either improve the situation you are in, or you will find out that you want to leave the battleground. In both scenarios you are doing it because you want to. You are no longer a victim; you are empowered by the choices you made.

Be a woman and act like one.

If you feel stuck in your career or in life in general, Be a woman and act like one.  Succeeding in Business and Life is a powerful book that will help you to find the womanly way to success and happiness. Order online now through Amazon or visit the Wheatmark Bookstore.

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Start the New Year with a New Approach

Posted on January 8, 2014 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

I often hear people say, ‘I am what I am’ or ‘I am too old to change’ or ‘life is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it’. Yes, people often think that they are stuck in their jobs, their relationships or their life in general, and they accept this as their destiny without questioning.

Let’s start the New Year by leaving these narratives behind and developing the New you – the ‘you’ that stands for happiness, fulfillment, power, inspiration… the you that you want to be.

In one of my past blogs ‘Shining like a star. The power of personal branding’, I already talked about creating your own brand. I explained why it is important for your career and how it helps you to find your calling in life. I don’t want to repeat what I said at that time, but I would like to remind you of your personal power and why this coming year can be so very different from all the others. Let’s declare 2014 the starting point for a new approach to business, relationships and life in general. Imagine there was no past and you were just born, but with wisdom and experience in an adult body. This is your first month on earth and you can do what you want, where you want and in any manner as long as it does not violate the law or anybody else’s rights and dignity. Isn’t that an inspiring thought? Starting all over again with the wisdom of the past but the power of the now.

Let me give you some very pragmatic examples of what I am talking about. We live our lives in certain patterns with our routines, habits, likes and dislikes. We don’t even question those patterns, no matter if we like them or not. We just go with the flow and that’s it. Now, I want you to begin questioning patterns. Start with the ones you feel are preventing you from being happy.

For example: If you hate your alarm clock in the morning waking you up with that nasty sound reminding you of your duties, change it. Set your alarm even 15 minutes earlier (find one with a gentle sound, or music) and start the day with something fun like yoga, meditation, taking a bath etc. The important thing is that you start the day with something you really like; make starting the day a pleasure. You are still getting up for work, but the approach is different and so much more delightful.

 

 

Another example: You feel stuck at work, waiting for an overdue promotion or pay raise and you don’t know how to change that. This is far more complex than the first example, but again change the approach. Instead of waiting for something to happen, make it happen. Initiate a conversation with your boss, test your personal market value – maybe it is time to move on. Turn stagnation into movement and don’t be afraid. It is all going to be just fine.

This leads me to a very important aspect of developing new approaches. You must believe in yourself and trust that everything is just going to be fine. Positive affirmations will help you to initiate positive changes. Leave fear behind and trust that things will be ok. I know that this is easier said than done, but it is possible. We all know people who turned their lives around just by deciding to put an end to their old lives.

There is no reason why you cannot change your approach to life and make this coming year the year of a new beginning. The most important steps to achieve this are:

  • Understand your current life patterns
  • Find out what makes you happy and what doesn’t
  • Turn stagnation into movement and take action
  • Make positive affirmations
  • Trust that everything will be just fine
  • Enjoy the ride

We all face hardships, economic worries, diseases and broken hearts but there is more in life. As long as you believe in yourself and in your power to live your life ‘your way’, there is nothing that can prevent you from doing so. You might stumble or feel disoriented or scared at times, but these are just small bumps in the road that might slow you down but will never change your purpose and sense of direction.

I wish you all a wonderful 2014 filled with love, health and many new approaches. Please share your thoughts with me and let me know if I can be of service for you.

Be a woman and act like one.

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Imagine a Peaceful and Joyful Christmas

Posted on December 20, 2013 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

Imagine a peaceful and joyful Christmas and it will happen that way. Make positive affirmations and let go of all negative thoughts that might put a cloud over this time of the year. If you want Christmas to be a wonderful time, let go of everything and every thought that prevents it from happening.

Celebrate, enjoy and let pure love be your guidance. Merry Christmas.

Yours truly,

Hertha

 

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A Cold Serves You Right

Posted on November 19, 2013 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

My life was busy. Besides my regular work schedules, I had started various remodeling projects in the house. I painted a room, rearranged furniture, moved stuff around and basically turned the house inside out. At the same time, I planned my trip to Germany where I was running around to take care of my mom. My life was good for quite some time until I caught a cold – severe and with the worst timing. I was lying in my friend’s guestroom wondering why I had to travel to Germany to get sick. This was the moment when my coaching skills worked for me.

My body was telling me to slow down and ease up. The pressure had been going on for weeks. Even my trip to Germany was more an obligation than fun. It was time to take care of myself and stop pushing. Lying in bed, I realized that this was exactly what I needed. If there had not been that feeling of guilt, it would have been a few relaxing days. As is the case with colds, I survived and am back on track until the next time my body stops me or, should I say, rescues me again from myself.

 

Can you relate to these times of exhaustion when you feel that it is time to stop, but you also feel that you can’t afford to slow down? You keep on going until you get sick. In a good case scenario, it’s just a cold, and in the worst case it’s a serious disease that might even take you out of the race. We have all seen people close to us push themselves to the point of collapse and beyond, sacrificing themselves without need and, finally, for no benefit to anyone.

Do we really need bad news to understand that our body is not just to be used but also needs care, maintenance and TLC? Yes, I know that your lifestyle is not always responsible for all the diseases and suffering in life, but in many cases we push ourselves too hard and even overhear the early warning signs.

A cold or flu is just such an early warning sign, maybe even a blessing to become sick. It gives you the perfect excuse to stay in bed for a couple of days without life threatening symptoms. You simply feel miserable, as you deserve for having neglected yourself. Yes, it serves you right, even in the literal sense. A cold can be a blessing in disguise which allows you to slow down for a moment and stay healthy in the long run.

Now don’t get me wrong! No need to walk barefoot or half naked in the garden at night until you become sick (but feel free to do so if that’s what you like). Getting colds is inevitable, anyway. Yet I challenge you both in times of health as illness:

  1. Listen to your body
  2. Slow down if necessary
  3. Take good care of yourself
  4. Enjoy life

Then you won’t need a cold to rescue you, and you will find a much happier and healthier life. Especially with Thanksgiving and the holidays coming up, we all need to be wise and skillful. There is so much going on in our lives that overwhelming ourselves is just one little step away. Just follow these four simple rules to remain safe and sound. Give yourself and your family and friends the best gift ever – being happy, healthy and here.

Be a woman and act like one.

All women – from Paso Robles, Santa Barbara, Sacramento or elsewhere please share your story on this blog.

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Reprinted from “Hertha Wolff-Arend | Be a Woman and Act Like One” a blog written by Hertha Wolff-Arend.  Subscribe at http://beawomanandactlikeone.com/ and receive Blog updates by email.

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I Wait, Therefore I Am

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Hertha Wolff-Arend

In my recent blog I talked about being in the now and why it is important for all of us to develop this skill. Today I want to talk about how we can give waiting time a new quality.

Let me describe my time of waiting. I am sitting in the hair salon waiting for the color to soak in. “Let’s kill the grey hair” is the name of the mission and this is not a mission impossible. It is my fight against the color grey that I have never liked – at least not for me. My hair is naturally blond and any grey that wants to prevent my blond hair from shining is a declared enemy. Anyhow, I am sitting here to allow enough time for the grey hair to be defeated – time some people might consider as lost time. I call this precious time, because this is “me-time”. I am just being me, living in the moment and nothing other than a natural disaster can steer me away from this waiting position.

Often in our lives we are condemned into a waiting position and we usually hate it. We are waiting in line at the cashier in the supermarket or we are sitting in the doctor’s waiting room forever … waiting seems like a punishment. In these fast times we want everything to happen quickly and whatever stops the fast pace of our busy life is considered a nuisance. Can you relate to this? Do you remember the last time you waited in line at the cashier thinking: Damn, why does it take so long! Welcome to the club of achievers and friends of an organized and fast pace of life.

The bad news is: I am afraid this club is not going to survive the reality check. You cannot organize every phase of your life without stopping and what is wrong with waiting anyway? What is wrong when, as usual, you picked the slow lane with the slower cashier who takes forever to serve the customers? Why do you stress out when you have to wait longer than 10 minutes in the doctor’s office? Yes, time is running and the next appointment is right around the corner. We cannot afford to waste time and I agree. The question is what is wasted time? Is the waiting time really wasted or is this rather your chance for contemplation and just being yourself. If you label this time differently and turn it into ‘me-time’ then suddenly it does not seem wasted anymore. Whenever you must wait, consider it as a break from your hectic life. It is like a mini vacation, relax and collect your thoughts and feelings.

 

 

Let’s take the supermarket example. I love this one, because I seem to be one of these people with the unique talent of picking the slowest cashier. Next time you get stuck, don’t waste your time by getting annoyed and impatient (that is a real waste of time). Instead I want you to take a deep breath and connect with your inner self. Observe your feelings and your thoughts but don’t allow them to take over. Observe them and let them go. Visually define your space and observe what is around you. Take it all in without any judgments. Look at the people who are standing in line with you. Observe their faces, their kindness or their tension. Take this moment and breathe all your impressions in. Don’t worry about what you will do next and don’t worry about events in the past – just be in this exact moment and take everything in that you see with your eyes and your heart. Turn this time into precious time to reconnect with yourself. Don’t allow thoughts to take you away from that exact place. After a while you will feel calm and relaxed wondering where the time has gone. It is working, just give it a try and you will be able to turn these times of waiting into quality times.

I can hear you saying but what if…! Yes, you might come late to your next appointment etc. but you won’t be able to change that anyway just by getting upset. Turn “I am waiting” in to “I am” and you will feel less stressed, less under pressure and closer to your true self. Eckhart Tolle, author of the book “Power of Now” inspired me to write about this topic. Take the time and read his book if you would like to dig deeper into this topic. It is a pretty thick book so you might want to use future waiting times to read it.

Whatever you decide to do, turn your next waiting time into “me time” and find out what it does to you. The other day when I went to the supermarket and picked the slow cashier as usual, I had a smile on my face wondering what made this young cashier so slow. I guess she was in the moment and I envied her for this skill – I am still working on it.

Please share your “me moments” and tell us your waiting stories.

Be a woman and act like one.

Permission to Reprint: You may reprint any items from “I am waiting, so I am” in a print or electronic newsletter. But please include the following paragraph:

Reprinted from “Hertha Wolff-Arend | Be a Woman and Act Like One” a blog written by Hertha Wolff-Arend.  Subscribe at http://beawomanandactlikeone.com and receive Blog updates by email.

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