Get Over It – Get a Pedicure

Yesterday I was worried. Today I got over it and had a pedicure instead. Some might call it denial and judge me superficial and trying to avoid confronting my pain. I call it being in the moment and enjoying life every single day as long as I can.

We all go through rough phases in our lives that seem particularly hard and unfair. As the saying goes, “When it rains it pours”. Suddenly our lives fall apart. Beloved friends or family members die.  We have financial worries and problems at work. Even simple daily routines go wrong. You accidentally break your favorite piece of china. Your beautiful earrings from Italy are lost, and let’s not forget that cute pair of jeans which shrunk in the dryer. (You will never be able to wear them unless you starve yourself to a size two.) The whole world is against you – at least this is what it feels like.

Now what? You will mourn the losses and suffer from pain and you cannot let go of it. You question your fate, and you complain about constant bad luck. Everything and everyone is against you. Life is unfair. People are unfair. You feel like the victim. You are now trapped, running around in circles, and it seems like there is no way out of the misery.

This is the time when you must decide to let go and maybe have a pedicure. Seriously! When the world is falling apart around you, it is time to take good care of yourself and live your life moment by moment. All the suffering has its roots either in the past or in the future, while the present moment is what is real. You cannot rewrite history and you cannot determine everything that will happen in the future. Who knows what the future will bring or if there is a future at all? NOW is what is real and what you can enjoy.

Being in the NOW means enjoying what you have and breathing every single breath as if it is your last. Suffering pain is certainly part of the present, but don’t let it turn you into a lifelong victim or patient. Acknowledge everything that life is challenging you with, but don’t accept defeat. It is like the sunshine that comes and goes. “Enjoy the brightness and warmth when it is there, and enjoy the darkness when it is gone again. A life full of sunshine would not let you appreciate its magic.”  It is the darkness that makes us appreciate the sun – the anticipation of recurring warmth and brightness and the protection of the darkness that can give you peace and recovery. Only when you can find joy in both the light and darkness, are you living a happy life. If you can only enjoy the sun, you will be worried and scared when the light is gone again.

If you want to live a life full of pain and suffering, hold on tight to what you have and try to fight it, but you will eventually lose the battle and your quality of life. If you accept what is and enjoy the beauty and richness of now, you will still experience pain and suffering, but you will be strong enough to see the sun rising again. Happiness will always be right around the corner.

I wish you all the strength you need to live a happy life. You deserve it.

Be a woman and act like one.

I would love it if you would share your story of success with this blog community.

What is your experience with moments of pain or sadness and how did you get over it?

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Myth or Truth? Successful Women Are Less Likeable Than Successful Men

When I give public speeches I often talk about the motivation or hesitation of women climbing the corporate ladders.  Women feel that they have choices today, and the fact that only a few make it to the very top (women are only 3.6% of the CEOs of the Fortune 500 companies) reveals that many women simply don’t want to get on the corporate treadmill.  Women have many roles such as being a wife, a mom and a caregiver.  They want to fulfill all these roles which can naturally hinder their ambitions of taking on demanding roles in management.

 

I have just finished the book by Sheryl Sandberg (Lean In) who talks about the struggles of being a career woman and a mom.  Her career is exceptional and inspiring, but at the same time you feel the pain and struggle she went through to make it work.  Sheryl is of the opinion that successful women are less likeable than successful men.

 

 

Sheryl bases her finding on various studies, including the so-called Heidi/Howard experiment from 2003.  Half of the students participating in the experiment were told that the entrepreneur’s name was Heidi, and the other half was told that it was Howard.  The study then asked the students their impressions of Heidi or Howard and discovered that, though the participants rated them both as competent and worthy of respect, Howard came across more appealing while Heidi seemed less likeable and rather selfish.  There has been considerable discussion about the accuracy of this experiment, especially because it was conducted among business students who were not even in the workplace yet.

 

There are other studies that indicate the opposite, so that I have to ask myself: What is it about us women that we feel less worthy and respected than men?  Are we really less likeable than men in a business environment?  I respect what Sheryl Sandberg said about that topic, but at the same time I see women who are very successful in their careers also well liked.  Our nation has had three women as Secretary of State.  Many women are governors, and many have been successful in their campaigns to be elected to Congress.  Women make up 50% of the total work force today.  Just look at the most powerful Fortune 500 women such as Marissa Mayer (Yahoo), Meg Whitman (Hewlett Packard), Irene B. Rosenfeld (Kraft Foods), Sherilyn McCay (Mary Cay).  Looking at the complete list, you will be amazed about what these women have achieved.

 

I don’t know about you, but I cannot believe that these women are all selfish and unlikeable and absolutely no fun to work for.  I don’t need studies to know that these women are interesting and surely role models for those women who decide to make it to the top.  These women have families and raised kids and to me they are living proof that you can have a job and a life if you decide to follow that path.

 

It is your choice whether you want to walk that same path, but if you do decide for a career in business, don’t be worried about your likeability rating.

There might still be people out there who struggle with women in powerful positions, but they will get over it.  Likeability should not be your hurdle on the way to success.  Instead focus on what you want and just be the woman you are.

 

I devoted a book to this topic – Be a woman and act like one. Succeeding in Business and Life.  I think women can be successful and happy.  The few critics on your way to success should not be empowered to defeat you and your ambitions.  Don’t allow critics to stop you especially, not your inner critic who in my view is the greatest hurdle.

 

Be a woman and act like one. 

 

I would love it if you would share your story of success with this blog community.

What is your experience regarding likeability of women and men in business?

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Arriving Home – Why Belonging is the Key to Happiness

It was on December 28, 2004 when we arrived at San Francisco Airport.  With ‘we’ I mean my husband and son, our dog and 10 pieces of luggage.  I will never forget this day which was the beginning of challenging times filled with tears, hope and resentment.  I had lost my belongings, my identity and my life.  Recalling this day and the following months hurts even now, and for nothing in the world would I ever want to go through that again.  Leaving my old life behind and entering the world of the unknown was tough.  At that time we did not know if we wanted to stay in San Luis Obispo County or move to the Sacramento or Santa Barbara areas.  It did not really matter, but somehow our path led us to where we are today.  I am pretty sure that the universe guided us in the right direction.

Today I am happy about our decision to leave Germany.  I do not want to go back to my old life.  Yes, I miss my mother, my friends and even our house, but my life is here now and this is what matters.  Listen carefully, this is someone talking after more than 8 years in a new country, which I now call my home.  I belong again.  I have finally arrived.  The price was high but it is totally worth it.  In the meantime, I was able to secure dual citizenship and I can proudly call myself an American.

Soon after coming to California, I was sad and worried, sitting in our vacation rental (we stayed in a vacation rental for over a year before we were able to purchase our own house), all I could think about was what I had lost.  I mourned the loss of our beautiful house in Germany, family and friends, my career in the business world – simply everything!  Mourning the loss was so painful that it prevented me from enjoying the present.  I could not adapt to my new life because I could not let go of my old life.  It was not until the day when a good friend sent me a little note that said: Don’t look back, look forward and enjoy what you have in the now.

I looked at my cute little boy, my loving husband and the beautiful countryside.  My friend was right.  There was so much to be happy about, and the only way to find my home again was to accept what is, instead of complaining what was no longer.

During this period of my life, I also learned that it is not the material belongings that make you happy, it is everything else.  All my “stuff” was left behind on the other side of the world in Germany, and it did not really matter.  What mattered was the love in our family, making new friends, creating a network of support and building our new life; like a big puzzle – piece by piece.

The good news is that you don’t have to wait for the puzzle to be finished to feel that you belong.  The moment you accept that life’s puzzle will never be finished, you can enjoy collecting the pieces, and that will be when you have arrived, wherever it happens to be in this world.  It does not matter where you are located.  What matters is what you do to create your little heaven, your home.

Once you master the skill of embracing your life for the way it is and are willing to take life’s challenges with a smile, you will be home.  I must confess that it took me many years to learn these essential lessons in life, and I am glad I have done so.  The reward is happiness.  If someone had told me 8 years ago what I know today and that I would be a published author, I would not have believed it.  I was not ready at the time, but I am ready now.  I now belong.  I am happy with my life.  Perfect, it’s not (and never can be), but my new life is totally different from my old life, and I accept and love it.

What about you?  Do you recall what it felt like when you went through a major change in your life?  Maybe you had to give up your home to move to another city or state to follow a job offer or your future husband?  What was it like and what did you learn?

Please share your story about belonging.  Be a woman and act like one.

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Are you a control freak?

I don’t know about you, but I like to stay on top of things. I like to be in charge and I like to be in the driver’s seat. It feels somewhat safer to rely on myself than on others. Friends used to say that I was a woman with power who liked navigating the ship through stormy seas – fearless and so full of energy. Thanks to my friends for their words of kindness, but looking back with the benefit of experience, I see things much more clearly today, and I have a confession to make. I am an almost recovered control freak.

Lenin once said: “Trust is good, control is better.”

I could not disagree more. Women tend to take on so many duties and responsibilities, hoping that more involvement will give them more power to control the situation. They hope that they can control outcomes and stay ahead of others by making sure that everything is done exactly the way they would do things.

Let me give you a few examples of how women try to control their families, environment and lives. I truly apologize if you do not recognize yourself in one of these examples, but I doubt very much that this will happen.

Here are typical stories of control that can happen anywhere at any time:

When you come home, you like the house tidy, almost picture perfect. It disturbs your sense of order and harmony when things are not where they belong. You regain control by quickly cleaning up the place before you start to fully relax.

You invite friends or family to dinner. The menu is planned, the table is set and everything is prepared to make it a perfect evening. Then something unexpected happens. An additional guest shows up and now there is not enough room at the table. Everything looks so beautiful and you don’t even have another matching place mat. This upsets you for a moment until you regain your control again. Then the conversation among your guests moves towards politics or some other topic and the so beautifully planned evening turns into a heated discussion among friends. This is not supposed to happen and you try everything to regain control and recreate the evening the way you had planned it by trying to change the topic.

You are a single woman and you meet a man who seems to be dating material. You are very careful, because you don’t trust him yet. You make sure you are dating him on your terms until you feel that you can trust him. You don’t want to get hurt, so you keep your emotions under control. How do you think the guy feels? To have a chance with you, he must play by your rules and keep you in charge of situations and emotions. You want him to show you his emotions, but then you feel that you better wait a little longer – it seems safer! What does control have to do in a relationship anyway? Nevertheless it is there and messes up relationships and in extreme situations can even lead to violence and abuse, all for the sake of keeping control.

You are a manager and your sense of responsibility makes you think that you are irreplaceable. You hate delegating and sharing your duties with others. Nobody at the firm can be fully trusted. You insist on staying on top of projects, making sure they are done perfectly. And who can do it better than you? Nobody, of course, so you don’t let go. That way you then know that everything is in order. You feel that you are in control, but the result is that you diminish others and overload yourself. Control has a price: It can make you very lonely and very tired.

Keeping control prevents us from trusting others or simply trusting life and situations to unfold. Seeking control in all life situations takes away spontaneity, fun and the enjoyment of the moment. On top of that, control is a myth! There is no way you can control your own life or especially other people unless they want to be controlled and you move your focus from the present moment to the future. Control necessarily leads to planning the future, making sure everything develops as intended. Maybe you are lucky and everything turns out as you planned, but usually life is full of surprises that quickly make any plan obsolete.

Don’t let the unexpected throw you off your game. These little surprises are like salt in the soup. They turn an otherwise boring walk into an adventure. Why would you want to deprive yourself of this excitement by clinging to the myth of control? Being open for the unprepared is so much more fun than fixating on what is not going to happen as planned, anyway.

Lenin, an ultimate control freak, got it wrong. You and the people around you will do much better when you recognize: Control is a myth, trust is better.
Be a woman and act like one.
If you are living in Paso Robles, Santa Barbara, Sacramento or elsewhere I would love to hear from you.

What are your challenges when it comes to control?

Please share your story below.

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The lifelong journey to lifelong learning

The first time I consciously reflected on becoming a beginner again – learning something new and entering unknown territory – was just before my son was born.  In my ‑ as I like to call it – “old life” I was a successful manager in the international advertising industry. I felt knowledgeable and competent in my field of business and I lived with the self-perception of being a pro.  I liked the status of being a master in my field, and I spent many years on my home turf in Germany where I felt safe and good about myself.

It was not before motherhood, relocation to California and the sudden end of my beloved advertising career that I found myself at the beginning again – the beginning of a journey in which I had no clue or sense of direction and I had no idea where I was heading.  –It was a new beginning – the start of living a conscious life as a beginner.

When I found out that I would be moving to California with my husband, I wondered, would I move to the big cities like Sacramento, San Francisco or possibly Santa Barbara or to a small community.  My journey led me to Paso Robles – the starting point of my ‘new life’.

I became a mom at the age of 44

I can honestly confess that my professional background was not necessarily useful in this arena.  My son did not respond well to my leadership skills.  He would not always cooperate and made me learn all over again how to be a different kind of leader – this time I learned to be a mom and not a manager.  Children show you your boundaries just as much as it is your job to show them theirs, and this is a skill moms better learn fast before the kids take over control.

When we moved to California I started my whole life from scratch.  Suddenly the former pro  became an unknown woman with a toddler in the park.  I had to learn to survive and at the same time keep my self-regard and dignity.  I exchanged the laptop bag for a diaper bag and I had to learn that people don’t love you for what you represent but for who you are.  I had become a “nobody”, and I learned to accept this and actually found it to be fantastic.  This recalls one of my favorite poems by Emily Dickinson.

 

I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us — don’t tell!
They’d banish — you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one’s name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

 

Shortly after our move to California I started coaching training in San Francisco and became a certified business coach which showed me my limits big time.  I finally learned to live the life of a beginner consciously and thoroughly.  Many doors opened during that time that I had not seen before.  It was o.k. for me to start from the beginning again.  It was o.k. not to be a pro, and it was finally ok for me to ask for support.  I discovered an unlived potential of learning anything I could get my hands on to grow as a person.  I discovered the path of self-development and personal growth.

Being a lifelong learner is like a journey without a final destination – it is full of fun and worry.  You never know where the path is going to lead, and this is the real challenge.  We like to keep control of ourselves and others which is an effort that creates so much stress and pain.  Instead you learn that control is just an illusion and that you are so much happier if you stay open to whatever comes up.

I invite you to live your life as a beginner again.

No matter where you live – in a small town like Paso Robles or a big city like San Francisco, Sacramento or Santa Barbara – never give up learning about yourself, about others and about life.  Take the writers class you always wanted to attend.  Pick up a skill you never dared to attempt.  Attend a summer workshopRead interesting books, find an inspirational leader and do whatever you feel an urge to do.  Don’t worry about switching to beginner mode again, because this is your only chance to grow.

 

I love what Lao Tzu said:

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”

Take this single step today and begin your very personal journey as a beginner.

I invite you to comment on my blog (below) and let me know about your own “Beginning” experiences.  Thank you.

Be a woman and act like one.

Love, Hertha

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My Life with Horses

When I was about 8 years old, maybe even younger, my mother put me on the back of a horse I felt intimidated by the height of the horse, but at the same time I was fascinated by the whole experience.  Fear gave way to excitement, and the beginning of a lifelong passion was born.

I could tell endless stories about my life with horses, but everyone other than my ‘horsy friends’ would be bored to death.  I will keep my story short while I encourage and coach you to find your way to balance and inner peace, not to turn you into a jockey.

I was fortunate to be able to grow up with horses, spending most of my younger years at horse barns grooming horses and digging in horse manure.  I remember vividly the pain I went through when my parents got divorced.  I started failing at school.  I felt lost.  My mom, who has always been a wise and compassionate woman, never punished me for my steadily decreasing grades and instead bought our first horse.  She knew that healing comes from inside and that my love for horses would do the job.  She was so right, and I will always be grateful for her generosity and wisdom.  Needless to say, my grades improved again and I learned to live with the breakdown of my parents’ marriage.  Kids sooner or later normally recover from their parents divorcing, but it sure felt good at the time to have a big hairy friend who loved me unconditionally.  No matter where you live – in big cities like San Francisco, Santa Barbara and Sacramento or in small Paso Robles – pain happens and needs healing.  This is the time when we need friends and a network of support – even a friendship to a four legged creature can help you ease your pain.

When I was in my late twenties and earning regular income, I bought myself a horse.  The horse of my youth was retired to pasture.  It was time to get my partner for my adult life.  Unfortunately or luckily, I already had a human life partner who wanted to participate in the “investment” of buying a horse.  The relationship did not survive, in part due to the horse, and I learned a major lesson in my life:  “Men go, horses stay.”  Derrick the horse had all my love for many years and also took all my money for his upkeep and vet bills.  As costly as this love was, it was totally worth it.  Riding and caring for Derrick kept me calm when times got rough.  I always had a place to withdraw and reconnect.

Later in my life, as a high strung senior manager in the advertising industry, I never needed a human therapist.  Derrick was all I needed, taking most of my free time and money and allowing me to devote myself to his needs.  There was no time to ponder and worry about my own feelings when I had to get up early to get Derrick ready for a ride at 6:30 am in the morning and then get changed from riding gear into my office clothes in the dusty old restroom in the barn.

When I met my husband I was finally able to share my passion with someone on the same path.  Yes, the passion that had once divided me from a human partner in my previous life is what keeps me closely connected with my husband today.

Horses have been with me for virtually all of my life.  Today when I enter the barn in the morning, I feel peace and love.  I still have great joy in everything involved with my horses (except the inevitable vet bills).  I am offering workshops with horses where we teach non-verbal communication, leadership, self-awareness and how to develop healthy relationships.

The love I carry in my heart for horses is a blessing.  They taught me that loving is living.  In my book “Be a Woman and Act Like One, Succeeding in Business and Life” I reflect on these life lessons and pass this experience on to you.  Living a life filled with love will keep you close to yourself and to others – the result is happiness.  What else can we ask for in life?

Be a woman and act like one.

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The Healing Power of Passion

“Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.”  (Hebbel, German Poet and Dramatist, 1813-1863)

Anything we do with passion comes from our hearts.  It is part of our true nature and it shows who we really are and what is really important to us.  Read more here.

Often in our lives we lose the passion in what we are doing or we simply cannot find passion in what we do.  I have often written about the hamster wheel women are trapped in, and we will then do anything to please others or fulfill our obligations.  We often don’t even question our lives and simply go along with the way it is presented to us.  We are lucky when we find passion in what we are doing, but if not we still move along the beaten path.  Passion seems like luxury while responsibility is the key driver.

I understand that we have to take responsibility but that should not prevent us from listening to our hearts.  Finding your passion means finding your true self, and that is the foundation base for happiness and fulfillment. I get inspired when I do business in big cities like San Francisco, Santa Barbara and Sacramento.

In my coaching practice I talk to women who are not happy with their work and/or their personal lives.  They complain about not having the success and results they are hoping for.  “Why didn’t I get the promotion?”  “My coworkers don’t seem to like or respect me.”  “My boss never listens to me or gives me enough attention.”  The list of complaints is endless but the list of ideas about what they can do to get out of their unsatisfying situation is short or simply does not exist.  Instead many women seem to want to devote themselves to feeling miserable.  They develop a numbness or frustration which they try to cover up with consumption, drugs, alcohol and other distractions.

This must end and the way out of it is:  Find your passion in life.  I found my passions in life and most of the time I am able to do what I really like.  I worked many years in the advertising industry in Germany and I loved it.  I changed paths after becoming a passionate mom later in life.  I went through coaching training, wrote my book and started my own business in Paso Robles, CA – and I love it.  On top of that I am a passionate animal lover, in particular horses, and I am happy to live my passion every day.

Some might say that I am just extremely lucky and fortune is on my side, but I firmly reject this.  Finding my passions in life was part of my mission.  I did not stop until I found the job I liked.  Trust me, there were many obstacles in my way.  In my book “Be a Woman and Act Like One, Succeeding in Business and Life.” I also talk about how I climbed the career ladder.  Passion also has a price, it is not a gift, but you have to work for it day and night, giving all you have to make it come true – even if you have to find inspiration in big cities like San Francisco, Santa Barbara or Sacramento – go for it!

I believe that once you know what your passions are, you will create opportunities and focus your energies in the right direction.

“A great leader’s courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not position.”

John Maxwell (American Author and motivational speaker )

I could not agree more.  It is not the position you are in that makes you successful and good at what you are doing, but it is your passion that makes a difference to you and to others.

Think about John Maxwell’s words and ask yourself, What can you do to live your life with passion? Sign up to receive my monthly inspirations at hertha @ hwa-coaching.com or find me on Facebook.

–      Be a woman and act like one, Hertha Wolff – Arend

 

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Farewell of a Snow Queen

There was no major party at my house without Marsha and there will be no more parties with Marsha!

Marsha passed away yesterday morning. She has left behind a hole far too big to fill, footsteps far too big to fill out and several broken hearts – like mine. Who was Marsha? She was a wonderful friend to me, to my family and in particular to our son Sherman. Marsha helped me raise him as he has developed into the wonderful boy he is. She entered our lives when he was 4 years old. For the last more than 6 years she was Sherman’s nanny, friend and tutor.

Marsha also loved to decorate our house. She took care of our flowers, especially roses, and she organized unforgettable events with me. Most of my friends know her, and some will remember her looking like a gorgeous snow queen at our annual Christmas party.

Marsha was a woman you wanted to know. She was loving, compassionate and she did everything in her power to help and support others. Even if you didn’t know her, you would wish for a friend like her.

I devote this blog to her, because I want everyone to know how wonderful she was. I also want you to think about who the snow queen in your life is. Make sure you spend enough time with her and tell her how much you love her. I am so very glad I met Marsha. Our friendship was pure and loving. I don’t feel regret, but deep pain that we will have no more time together.

Love always,
Hertha

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The Voice Within Us

We all live with this other person within us – the one who tells us what to do, what not to do and constantly questions our capabilities.  Some call this voice “the inner voice,” “the inner critic,” or the superego.  If you have not yet recognized this part of your personality, you will surely have experienced its effects.

“Am I good enough?”  “Am I worthy?”  “I can do better.”  “I will never succeed.”  “I don’t deserve this.”  “Should I be better ?” The list of questions we ask for approval is endless and very personal.  We basically hear the voices of our parents through all our lives telling us what is right and what is wrong.  All the limiting beliefs we grew up with follow us like a shadow.  We no longer need our parents, but they continue living inside us as long as we live.

Some of the effects the inner voice has on us are positive.  It reminds us of ethical rules that are essential for living in society.  It has to do with appropriate behavior like leaving the house properly dressed, being polite, showing respect to others, etc.  Nevertheless, for the most part there are negative effects, too, and limiting regulations.  The inner voice is mainly punitive, keeping us in line and forcing us to constantly ask for approval.  It tells us what is right and wrong, what feelings are appropriate, what principles we must follow and everything about how we are supposed to look, believe and act. The inner voice pretends to be our friend, but it is not.  It drains our energy and seeks to controls us.

A. H. Almaas, Author and Spiritual Teacher says:

“Superego is the greatest distracter from presence.  It wants to direct the show.”

Your superego attacks you, saying you’re too short, your nose is crooked, you’re dumb, you say things wrong, you never know which foot to put first – that kind of thing.  That is the way your superego picks on you: It finds those little incompletenesses and attacks you for them.  But when you understand that incompleteness has nothing to do with these things, you will have a deeper handle on your superego.  Completeness happens by confronting and completely tolerating the incompleteness.  So your superego, by attacking you for feeling incomplete, is really preventing you from getting closer and relaxing into your own true nature, which is complete.”

A.H. Almaas wrote a series of books called Diamond Heart which are transcripts of talks and workgroups he gave in Colorado and California.  His quote summarizes beautifully what the superego is about and that the only way out of this dilemma is embracing the true nature of the person we are.  We become complete only by accepting our incompleteness.

I have met many women in my coaching practice who were struggling with this issue.  The more she strives, the stronger is her inner critic.  They often go through hell by constantly struggling with themselves to do the “right thing.”  If you are one of them and are feeling the pressure of the punitive and annoying voice of your inner critic or superego, take A. H. Almaas’s words to heart and dig deeper into this topic.  It will be a journey that leads you to yourself – your true nature.  If you think that your superego is your friend and that you don’t feel any pressure from it, I still invite you on this journey.  I am sure that it is not you speaking but your superego misleading you.

Let me end with a quote by Joseph Joubert, “Dance like nobody’s watching.”

For more information on this topic, please contact me.  I can provide you with information and I can give you guidance.

Be a woman and act like one.

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A True Christmas Story

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She lived in a country far away where Christmas was celebrated on Christmas evening. It was the custom that the children had to spend all afternoon in their rooms to wait for “Christkind” to arrive. The parents decorated the house, the Christmas tree was set up and the house smelled of freshly baked cookies. It took hours for the parents to prepare. Everything had to be perfect: the tree, the lights, the flaming candles, Christmas carols playing and the burning fire.

In the meantime, the children were waiting and waiting, the afternoon seemed endless. Our little girl in the story had to wait, too, and it seemed also endless to her. The excitement rose over as the time passed, and the clock was ticking in slow motion. At least this is how it felt to our girl. Would the living room be as magic as last year?  Would she get the presents she was wishing for? Would she remember the poem she had learned for the evening? Mom said that she had to say the Christmas poem first before opening the gifts. Our little girl practiced the poem one more time to make sure she would make it right.

After many hours of endless waiting, finally there was the moment when the parents walked into her room saying: “Now it is time. Christkind has arrived.” The little girl heard the ringing of the Christmas bells which were inviting the whole family to unlock the door to the living room. When they entered the room, our little girl was startled by the shining lights and the magnificent beauty of the tree – it felt magic. She was so overwhelmed that tears ran down her cheeks – tears of happiness and joy that once again, she could have this wonderful experience. She thought about how much she loved Christmas, and how much she would cherish this moment forever. Christmas to her was family, love and her home shining in beautiful lights. Her tears still running down her cheeks, she recited the poem to her mom, dad and older brother. She remembered all the verses and inhaled at the perfect moment like it was her last breath. Her tears stopped running, she smiled and her joy transformed her and will stay with her for the rest of her life.

The little girl with the big smile was me. This is how we celebrated Christmas growing up in Germany. Today Christmas still unleashes my inner child. It makes me cry and laugh, but above all it makes me very happy to spend this time of the year with my own family – my husband and my little boy. We also invite good friends to share our joy with the ones we love. This is what Christmas is about and I am grateful that my parents gave me the gift of wonderful memories that I can hand to others for many years to come.

I wish you a wonderful Christmas with the ones you love. Make it very special for others and for yourself and create beautiful memories that will last forever.

Hertha

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