I dedicate this article to a wonderful friend. She represents feminine power in a way many women are striving for. Being hurt by an unhappy relationship, she still believes in herself and converts her disappointment into moving on – alone at least for a while.
Even when I was losing … I still had the feeling that he cannot hurt me. Either I can win the match, or I can lose the match. Sometimes I was a little surprised at how slow he played the balls.”
Many single women are very frustrated about their marital status. Why is everybody married but me? Why can’t I find Mr. Right? Why do I always pick the wrong guys? Why am I unable to make good choices when it comes to men? Why does my boss always pick me when it comes to working overtime while my married coworkers seem to enjoy marital protection? Why, why, why…
There are so many questions and doubts when it comes to finding a partner for life. Finding true love seems like a special gift only given to the selected – the lucky ones. That is not true. It is up to you to decide whether you are a lucky one or not. It is your very own decision to become a lucky one by believing in your femininity and the beauty of who you are. How can you do that?
Start with yourself by falling in love with yourself. Cherish the person you are and settle in a stable and safe space for yourself. Let me explain. If you want to sing in a duet or a choir, first of all you must develop your own voice. You practice with all your passion until you feel confident about your singing skills. It is not before you have reached a certain skill and confidence that you can sing in a duet or a group. The beauty of a duet or choir is combined voices at their best. Now let us apply this into a love relationship. First you must learn to be in tune with yourself and gain confidence and competence. In the next step, you can leave your safe haven and find a partner. Unfortunately there is another obstacle. Finding harmony in music by combining a bass and a soprano can become a challenge. The trick is to find a voice that works well with yours and makes a wonderful tone. Welcome to the world of dating.
There are so many options and I don’t want to talk about all the dating sites, singles events and other activities. I understand that you hate getting out there to go men shopping, but you must become active if you are serious about finding a partner. Nobody is knocking at your door other than the mail man (maybe he’s cute!). Dating will not hurt you as long as you are not needy and insecure. You must be a victim to become victimized. This is not the path you want to go. Make sure you are ready before you enter the dating world.
Assuming you have developed your space and found your voice, assuming you feel confident and self-assured, no man can truly hurt your feelings. No disappointment will be strong enough to destroy you and your beautiful voice. Why? Because you will always have yourself and that is your strongest asset.
Be a woman and act like one. Please share your own story about living a single life and dating.
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Hertha, ich schicke Dir ein strahlendes verstehendes Lächeln!!! You are verdammt special :-))).
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The metaphor of the trained or untrained voice is so good!
Here is my perspective, why I am still a single (not having given up to find my Mr. Right :o)) and why I think so many women of my generation are singles, too.
I was born in the 50th and was educated as a girl in the 60th and 70th, in times, where a huge inequality was created between the men and the women of my time. The change of the mindset of an entire generation let to the fact, that at least in Germany 46,5 % of all highly educated women who were born in the 50th and beginning of 60th are singles (and most of them without children, too).
Thanks to the feminist movement at that time and thanks to our mothers we, the girls of that time, were part of an evolution in self esteem and the understanding of being a woman. We were the first generation of girls who understood, that we are equal beings like men and that we are not dependent of men.
The boys in our time however were still educated like 100 years ago: prepared to care for women and a family and used to be cared for by their mothers and later by their women. They were conditioned to be ‘smarter, stronger and better’ than women. My father – a wonderful man and still of that old school, thought that he did the right thing when he forbid my mother (who had studied) to work because he was convinced that a man whose wife went to work was not a good caretaker.
The female singles of my age who wanted to lead a self-determined life – like myself – didn’t find a man, who understood, that women love the men for their strength and the masculine features but don’t want to be patronized out of an old fashioned understanding of their role as a man.
The younger men, whose mothers were these new women, are very well prepared for women like us. But they are about 10 and more years younger. I have girlfriends who are happily in relationship or married with younger men, but when I understood that I can find a partner in that generation, I was too old to start a family and so my relationships with younger man who wanted a family were doomed to failure.
Yes, there are men in my generation, who understood the new women – and they are wonderful. BUT: there are not enough of them for all the wonderful, conscious and self confident women, who look for a man who can see us as in-dependant beings, who have all the features of a woman but don’t want to be dominated. The rare amount of men in my generation who do understand that, became wonderful husbands: and they are all ‘taken’ – at least as I experienced. And may be one or two of these rare species are still available or become available again :o)
Searching in online dating platforms etc. became a very tiring activity – I tried it out – but I only met these men of the ‘old school’. So I gave it up. I am open to meet Mr. Right, but for me it seems a little bit like looking for a needle in a haystack. But I am optimistic and convinced: if there is ‘my partner’ in this wold: we will meet – no doubts about it :o) And if not: well, then I have MY LIFE without a partner – I will miss a lot, I know – but my life – as it is – is wonderful as well :o) and I am too ‘conditioned’ to love my self-determined life than to give this up for a ‘second choice’ man…
But thank you Hertha, for your article. It triggered me to look again if ‘my instrument’, my ‘voice’ is well tempered to sound well with another one. I am sure, if it was, I would have attracted my Mr. Right already (without online Platforms etc. ) …