Women in business often face the dilemma of how to balance their private life and their business life.  They want to be successful in both areas of their life and they want to give more than 100% to show commitment and devotion to their tasks.  How can they do that with a 24 hour day, reduced by at least 6 hours and better 7 – 8 hours for a good night’s sleep?

You might think this is purely a time management issue.  “Plan your time carefully and make sure that every minute is used accordingly.  Don’t spend too much time in the bathroom, because that might ruin the whole schedule of the day!”  What a nightmare! Yes, reasonable time management is important, but this alone does not bring you the balance you are looking for.  There must be additional ways to find balance and peace of mind.

Just recently I visited an event by the Central Coast Network of Women, CCNW, in San Luis Obispo.  I had the opportunity to ask a group of women exactly the question: How do you balance business and your private life?  The answers were very interesting and showed how businesswomen were dealing with the problem.  The most frequent answer had to do with support from the family.  Some women said that they were only able to find balance because they get full support.  Another woman made a valid point by stressing the aspect of self-care.  She said that she always made sure that she had enough time for herself to build inner strength and stability.  Another woman admitted that she did not find the desired balance and that she made her choice when by focusing on either work or her private life.  She said that when she became a mother she concentrated her energy on her family and now, at an older age with the kids out of the house, she was back on her business track.

Balance must not mean walking a high-wire and instead involves finding meaning and peace with what we are doing.  We have this one life to live and nobody knows how long that life is going to be.  Finding balance has to do with setting priorities.  Decide what is important for you and make room in your life for it.  Don’t waste your life with “stuff” and unnecessary duties.  Stay focused on the ones you love and the projects you like.  Everything else can wait or perhaps simply be ignored.  This is where good time management makes sense.  But watch out!  Manage the time for what you want to do and not for what others expect you to squeeze into the day.

Take very good care of yourself by taking care of your personal needs and requirements.  Any functioning engine needs good maintenance – a healthy body and mind need care.  Do not use up all your energy and forget to refill.  Whatever it takes to make you feel good is what you need to do to keep the engine going.  I call it pampering your mind and body, which can involve simply doing nothing or relaxing activities such as taking a bath, getting a massage, Yoga, walking the dog, reading a good book or listening to music … the list is endless.

A special word to all working moms tortured by guilt: There is no right and wrong and don’t let outsiders’ judgments be your guide.  You know that you are a good mom and that, at the same time, you are a good manager.  Don’t force yourself into a role that makes you unhappy.  Instead try to find a job and an employer that allows you to be a working mom in a way that feels right to you.  There are companies that appreciate women like you and will support you as long as you are reliable, skilled and enthusiastic about your job.  I have worked with many moms, and they were among the best managers I ever saw.  Yes, occasionally they left work earlier, which was fine with me.  Most of the time they showed commitment and effort to do a great job, and that was more than I got from some other employees who did not have to fulfill several roles in life.  You can do anything you like without feeling guilty.  Find the company that is right for you and that gives you the room to live the life of a devoted working mom.  One more thought. Don’t forget the option of building your own business.  Become your own boss and decide how you split your time between your business and your family.

Let me conclude by encouraging women to be the composers of their lives.  Make sure that you live your life the way you want to.  Pick an education and job you enjoy, and spend your time with people you love and who love you.  Imagine you are composing your own symphony of life.  Make it a beautiful piece of art that makes you proud and happy.

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A woman recently asked me the following question: How can I climb the career ladder and at the same time maintain good relationships with other coworkers while on the way up?  Before I get to the answer, I would like to comment on the question.  The question itself shows a lot of compassion but also insecurity and worry.  It reminds me of my childhood. I wanted to be loved by my peer group and the last thing I wanted was to be different.  We liked to play the games all kids play, and we liked to have the same stuff other kids had.  No exceptions, please; let’s stay equal!  It was hard as a child to see other kids having things you could not get.  As much as I loved them, I envied them and I had to learn to live with the fact that there were differences – differences in looks, attitudes, belongings etc.  We all had to learn that everybody was different and that this had consequences.  For example, if you were good in math, you were the one given the honor in the classroom of solving the difficult question.  If you were a good reader, you were the one given the responsibility of reading out loud to the class.  Being good meant getting all the attention and admiration.

Everybody has different talents and competencies which lead them to a certain position in life.  Some skills come from naturally given talent, but others we have to work for very hard.  We take classes, we read, we learn and we work our way through difficulties.  We don’t give up short of attaining the skills we want. But again, there are differences.  Some people like to learn throughout their lives.  Others stop using their brain after they leave school, or even earlier.  Some are more ambitious to be successful in life than others, and the results reflect the efforts.  Of course, there are countless examples of people working equally hard, but only one of them advances.  The reason might be that one simply got lucky or showed skills that are not related to cognitive learning but to so-called emotional skills.  No matter how we interpret this situation, you will always have leaders and you will always have followers.  There is no leading without following.  Neither role makes you a better or a worse person.  We simply fill the role that hopefully works best for us and for others and allows us to be happy and fulfilled.

At this point I would like to answer the question which led me to talk about childhood and education.  When you are climbing the career ladder, you are still the same person as before.  You were simply selected to take over a leadership role.  The CEO or a board of directors decided that you have the skills to move up the career ladder and take on more responsibility.  Those you have passed by on the way up the ladder are still the same people.  They hopefully appreciate your efforts and your skills as well as the need for somebody to fill in a new leadership role.  If they don’t and if they put obstacles in your way, it is not really your problem but theirs.  If they cannot accept that you might have skills they don’t have which are needed in a certain company situation, they have failed to learn the basic rules from their childhood.  There is nothing you can do about this kind of ignorance.  You can be compassionate but at the same time you must walk your way with dignity and commitment.

The good news is that most co-workers will be on your side even though you have moved ahead of them as long as you stay authentic and continue to be the person you are.  Yes, there are company secrets you cannot share with them and there will be gossip that you can no longer participate in, but overall the good relationships of the past will remain, even when the dynamics will change.  Nevertheless don’t underestimate the unavoidable side effect.  The higher you climb up the corporate ladder, the lonelier it is going to be.  This has nothing to do with co-workers not liking you.  It is the price you pay for being a leader.  Suddenly you must take care of others, while others do not necessarily take care of you.  Don’t worry about what others may think of you and don’t make their attitude your driver for success.  Instead be the best leader you can be, and others will respect you and follow you with enthusiasm.  They might even have coffee with you like in the old days!

Be a woman and act like one.

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Do you like to dress up when you go to work? Or do you prefer not to think about your wardrobe and simply wear a uniform style outfit or just something very casual? Do you not care at all what you look like at work, or do you feel insecure about what style is appropriate? Whatever your answer, you should read the following.

Many concerns arise when it comes to how to dressing in a way that makes a woman feel good and is appropriate at the same time. Many women feel that they want to look beautiful, but at the same time they don’t want to look too sexy or extravagant. Some women work in an industry dominated by men that makes the choice of wardrobe even harder. Can I look like a woman among all these men? Will they take me seriously when I dress up, or is it better to hide my feminine side and put it in a dark blue suit? When I meet a client, would it be more appropriate to wear a neutral outfit that doesn’t attract any attention, or is it suitable to dress up in a way that makes the others really look at you?

Let me give you my very personal point of view and share insights gained over the course of many years in the corporate world. The answer to all the questions regarding the appropriate dress code is not simple, yet it is pretty clear and follows some basic rules.

Be who you are, but take off the edges. Every woman is different and so is her look. Live the person that you are and don’t try to hide your true self by wearing an outfit that is not really you. On the other hand, be aware that in a business environment you are better off to tone down extravagances.  For example, if you have beautiful legs and you like to wear short skirts, don’t overdo it at work. Keep the super short skirts for your private life and choose the Italian length for work. You are still showing legs, but in a moderate way. If you like to wear your hair long and curled, make sure that you tame it when you go to work. You can still wear your hair long, but make sure it looks elegant and styled. Whatever you like about yourself and whatever you like to wear to support your positive aspects is fine. Just make sure that you don’t overstate; stay moderate.

Dress the way you want to be seen. I worked in advertising, an industry that is quite relaxed about dress codes. You could basically wear anything you liked, but still there were recommendations.  Clients, bosses and co-workers look at how you present yourself. If you want them to take you seriously, you better make sure you look the way you are. I don’t understand women that allow their cleavage to be seen and then wonder that nobody is listening to what they have to say. With a sexy outfit like that, you cannot expect the other person to stay focused on anything else but your boobs.  Let me be clear here. I am not against showing off your most beautiful body parts, but you must pick the right time and the right place.

You can change your outfits in different environments, but still keep your style. There is no need to wear uniform style clothes, because that makes you uniform. You want to be authentic, you want to be different and, therefore, you will find a way to dress accordingly. Even though the dress code in your company asks for conservative dresses, there is always a way to bring some light into the darkness. A good way to do that is using fancy accessories or nice jewelry. Sometimes it is the little things that make a difference.  Yes, fashion makes a statement, but you want to be in charge, and not the fashion industry.

Feel comfortable and self-confident in your outfit. Would you feel confident wearing jeans to a wedding reception? I hope not. The same applies to the work environment. You will not feel happy wearing a super sexy dress to a client meeting and everybody is staring at your body while you are presenting. At the same time you do not want to wear the most boring outfit that makes you indistinguishable from the chair you’re sitting on in a conference room. Wear something that feels comfortable (remember you have to wear this outfit all day long), but at the same time choose an outfit that boosts your self-confidence. The reason is simple. When you feel good about yourself, others will, too. Yes, you can wear a dress that shows off your curves. Just make sure the dress leaves yourself and the audience room for breathing!

Define your style. Having now talked about dressing appropriately in a work environment, it is now time for you to define your own style. What is your self-image and how do you want others to perceive you? After you have figured out the answers to these questions, it is time for a shopping tour with your best friend. Explain to her the purpose and let her help you find the outfits that make you sparkle at work without blinding others.

Be a woman and act like one.

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I was recently shocked by the results of a survey on how women underrate their bosses’ opinions about their job performance.  What is about us as women that we often doubt our abilities and how others think about us?

The study was conducted by Scott Taylor, assistant professor at the University of New Mexico, Anderson School of Management in 2009.  In the study 251 male and female managers from different industries nationwide rated themselves and requested ratings from their supervisors, peers and subordinates.  The main findings were:

• Female managers are more than three times as likely as their male counterparts to underrate their bosses’ opinions of their job performance.  The discrepancy increases with women over 50 years old.
• The men who were studied slightly overestimated how their bosses would rate them, while the female respondents underestimated their ratings on average by about 11 percent.

• Women managers think their bosses and/or others rate their work performance much lower than they actually do when it comes to social and emotional qualifications and skills necessary for effective leadership.  It’s not that we aren’t confident of our abilities, rather seems we aren’t as confident in others’ opinions about us.

More about the study at:  www.aomonline.org

Scott theorizes that women impose the glass ceiling on themselves by constantly underrating what others, in particular men, think of them.

This confirms my own experience in the corporate world.  Women complain about the glass ceiling and the good old boys’ club mentality.  At the same time they seem to lack confidence when it comes to selling their competencies.  Is Scott right?  Do we create our own glass ceilings?

As a true believer in the power of women and having mentored many women, I wish the term “glass ceiling” did not exist.  These words convey the image of a building with a low ceiling without enough space to expand.  But women can be the architects of their own buildings, and it is their own decision if they put the ceiling low or high.  On the other hand, if we don’t feel like architects and make somebody else responsible for the layout and the design, we simply become a construction worker doing our job.  We execute what others want us to do, but we do not show any leadership.

This is where emotional and social skills become very important.  It is not enough to have the tools and the knowledge.  We need to be able to assume the lead and make the big decisions.  First we create the vision, then we draw the plan and we speak up about what we are doing at all times.

I want to encourage women to stop questioning what others might think about them or their performance.  Instead of wondering if what you do is good enough, do what you think is good.  Give the best that you can give and ask yourself the honest question: Was that my best shot or can I do better?  Trust me, if you are pleased with yourself and your performance, others will be, too.  The next step is to stand up for what you have achieved.  Your boss will appreciate your efforts if you convince him that you are the right person for the job.

And if you do not get the feedback you were expecting, don’t be hard on yourself.  Look at the facts, re-evaluate the project and take the lead in making any needed adjustments.  Don’t forget that you are the architect and that your client will normally want some changes.  Consider the possibilities, keep focused on the big picture and build the house what works for you and your client.

If you want to find encouragement and empowerment, I invite you to read my other blog posts. Be a woman and act like one.

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My dog recently died.  His name was Johnny.  He was the best dog in the entire world and I loved him very much.  He was only three years old when he died.  I could have prevented his death, but I did not.  Instead I did not watch him carefully.  I simply did not pay attention and he managed to sneak into my car.  Outside temperatures were in the 90s Fahrenheit.  I shut the door and left my beloved dog behind in hell.  Only a few hours later I found him dead.  He looked like he slept peacefully, but his body was hot.  He died of heatstroke in the car, alone, waiting for me to take him for a drive.

This is a story of guilt, imperfection and deep pain.  Why do these stories have to happen?  I asked myself the question many times.  The animal lover kills an animal, the caring mom forgets her child in the car, the loving owner drives over the cat in the driveway.  “These are accidents”, someone told me.  “These are excusable mishaps that can happen to every imperfect human.”  But why did this have to happen to me?  I am a capable woman, well organized and in charge of so many things.  Nothing seems to be too much and I love to carry responsibility, especially for the ones that I love so deeply.  Many women can probably relate to my story.  We multi-task, we take on any responsibility that needs to be taken care of, and we even believe we can handle everything well,

Women know that they are needed and they do not want to disappoint anybody.  They want to give their best, all the time and at any price.  They love to be in the role of “we can’t do without you” and they soak up the appreciation and respect accorded them.  It is a wonderful gift to give.  But what happens when things go wrong?  What happens when the outcome of a project or a relationship turns into a disaster or just a disappointment?  Women tend to be very tough on themselves and they hardly forgive themselves for failures or mishaps.  Accidents seem to be unacceptable.  We cannot accept that something went wrong, and when it goes wrong we want to get punished – either by others or by ourselves.

With all those insights, I am wondering how women can follow their call for leadership and responsibility, but at the same time learn to be less hard on themselves when things go wrong.  My take on this is:  Follow your call in life, but expect that “accidents” may happen with a more or less severe outcome.  Of course, try to avoid making mistakes, but when they happen, you will pay for it.  Your pain is your punishment and it is a good thing to lie down and lick the wounds.  Take your time for sorrow and reflection but at some point you must get up again and follow your call:

Be a woman and act like one.

I am trying to follow my own advice.  I am mourning the loss of Johnny, every day, every minute.  Nevertheless I know that I want to move on.  I will take on another responsibility, because that is what I love, but I have learned from my mistakes and I will try to do better the next time.  I got a new puppy.  His name is Rocky and he will fill the gap Johnny left as well as he can.  I will help him to succeed, I will take care of him and I will slowly forgive myself for simply being “imperfect”.

If you want to find encouragement and empowerment, I invite you to read my other blog posts. Be a woman and act like one.

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I am a daughter.  Like many others, a devoted and loving daughter for my mom.  Unfortunately life is not that simple.  Despite the love women share for their moms, they also have tension, struggles and painful experiences with the woman that gave them life.  The life our mother gave to us is also the life she seems to affect almost forever.  What is it that often makes the relationship between mother and daughter so difficult?

I would like to share my observations I had with various mom/daughter relationships, not to forget my own relationship with my mother which has no less conflict than in any other.

Let’s look back when we were teenagers.  We often saw in our mother our best but older friend.  We knew that we had to respect her, but at the same time we felt free to fight and argue with her.  What connected us was a deep and loving relationship.  Of course, we didn’t want to be like our mother, because that would have been embarrassing.  We were young, they seemed old and nothing could sell us the idea that we were like Mom.  Instead we were struggling to find our own identity and build the emotional independence we needed to be prepared for life.  Teenagers hate and love their moms, but in the end Mom is the one they need most.

After many years developing into a grown up woman or maybe into a mom, things change.  Women often argue with their moms, because Mom interferes into their love affairs or marriages.  Mom wants to tell us how we must raise our kids, she always seems to know better.  Mom is our toughest critic and whatever we do, it is either not good enough or too good to be true.  Whatever happens, somehow we do not manage to cut the cord.  We are hooked and trapped in love and despair.

I have met successful business women who lost their balance as well as their leadership role the minute they entered their mom’s home.  Although leaders in business, they were immediately demoted to just the daughter, and in that role they had to listen to what Mom had to say.  I am afraid that I am one of them, and I often wonder how I can instantly diminish into someone small and obedient when my mom is around.  I have been a managing director in well known advertising firms, but coming home always meant that Mom was the manager and I was at best the junior executive (if I got lucky and the service job was not vacant).  I have usually overcome these situations with a healthy sense of humor, but I was still not happy about this transformation.

Many women have told me that they suffered from the influence of their strong moms all their lives.  They struggled with the problem of not being good enough no matter what they did.  This was a burden they carried around all their lives, and only a few managed to escape from that spell.

As a business coach and mentor for women, I want to encourage women to step out of the shadow of their mothers.  I invite all you loving daughters to look at your mothers with compassion and love and be aware that it is not all about her.  Remember:  You are not obliged to please her.  Live your own life and look at the positive gifts you have received from your mother.  Trust me; there are gifts, and you will find them if you keep digging.

No matter if you are a mom yourself or a woman without any children, we are our mom’s daughters as long as our mothers live, and that is a wonderful thing.  You are very lucky if you still have your mom when you are older, but that does not mean that she can rule your life.  Setting boundaries to protect your personal space and the space of your family is very important.  It can be a painful process to exclude the beloved person when it comes to certain topics, but it is very important for your well‑being and your family that you define areas that are none of Mom’s business.

Nowadays when I enter Mom’s house I take a deep breath and try to stay connected with myself.  It would be a lie to say that I can manage it well, but I score much better than I used to do.  And whenever I fail and find myself in the role of an obedient minor again, I am very gentle with myself.  Rome was not built in a day, and the relationship with my mom is not a less complex project.

Our mothers are what they are.  The older they get, the more they show this.  Don’t even try to change them, because this will only lead to disappointment.  It is your attitude that you can change, and that can make your relationship with your mom work much better.

Be a woman and act like one.

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There are often times when women have to go on a business trip.  It does not matter whether you are an executive or a sales manager.  Travel might be part of your job and the question arises, “How can I make the best of my boring business trip to a destination I don’t like, meeting with people that I am not particularly fond of and staying in a hotel that is not necessarily very impressive?”  Well, you can choose your friends but not your business trips.

Having lived in Germany for many years, I went on many business trips throughout Europe.  Some of the trips were fun, because they took me to great places such as Rome, Paris or London.  Others were really stressful and bad, because they took me to Rome, Paris or London, and the only places I saw were the airport, the cab and the meeting room.  You never really know what is going to happen, and sometimes time management forces you to keep the trip short and cost efficient.  I was Managing Director, so that I certainly had some influence on where and how long I wanted to stay.  Still there were outside factors that I could not ignore and that put me into the unfortunate position of taking a trip I did not enjoy.

What can you do when you are challenged to deal with these circumstances, and how can you turn a burden into a delightful adventure?  Here is what I propose and what I also experienced myself.  Remember whatever trip you take, you have to make it a valuable personal experience.  Be creative and think of ways to travel like a queen and not like a servant.

First of all, don’t forget you are a woman and shopping is always a satisfying treat.  There are shops everywhere and you can even visit the airport mall and treat yourself with a little something.  I remember buying bits and pieces at Heathrow airport that were a little bit more expensive, but I enjoyed distracting my mind from business and instead indulged in a little consumption.  You might say that this is a bit ‘girly’, and you might be right.  But I freely confess to being a woman.  The main thing is to make time for yourself and your needs.  Mine happened to be shopping occasionally.

One big rule for the woman who wants to travel like a queen is: Never forget to eat well and insist on breaks for lunch and dinner.  A clear mind needs breaks, food and drink.  When people tried to push me through an endless meeting with coffee and old rotten cookies, I specifically asked for a break.  I either expected to get some delicious snacks, or I insisted on a break that left me enough time to take care of myself.  There is no reason in the world why you should have to starve yourself through the day.  Business partners and clients will respect your desire for good treatment, and they will be happy to follow your lead.  Often managers are simply too scared to speak up when it comes to personal requirements.  Don’t step into that trap.  If you want to deliver excellence, you need to be treated excellently.  And if others do not take good care of you, you better take good care of yourself.  They will eventually realize that any engine needs fuel to function.  Therefore, always make sure you are getting good food for your brain.

Without exception, any meeting needs relaxing breaks.  This supports the success of the meeting and makes everybody feel more confident and happy.  After long hours of sitting and talking or negotiating, make sure you get a few minutes to stretch your legs and breathe.  If you are able to create a few minutes for yourself, you will be able to regain your strength and balance.  Especially when you are feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, it is useful to have time for re-centering.  This will help you to take better decisions, and you can stay in charge of the outcome of the meeting.

Last but not least, I want to encourage you to socialize with your clients or business partners.  If you visit a destination again and again and you have never seen anything other than the airport and meeting room, something is wrong with your management of the client relationship.  Engage in social activities and ask for a sightseeing tour, a cultural event or something else that reinforces these relationships.  We are business people, not robots.  One more thing: Make sure you stay in a pleasant hotel for overnight trips.  You are worth it.  A nice hotel makes you feel special, while an ugly and cheap hotel can make you feel like an underdog lacking self-worth.  I am sure you want to arrive at the meeting self-confident and relaxed, and a pleasant hotel will give you the comfort and relaxation you need.  To make the hotel stay even more pleasant, order room service and really feel like a pampered queen.

I truly believe that women can expect to be treated like women.  Let the guys carry your heavy luggage, let them open the doors for you and pay the cab.  Make them feel responsible for your well-being, and make them understand that only a happy queen will treat them well and lead them to success.  All the others who do not show you respect and make your business trip a military campaign need to learn a lesson.  Speak up for your own needs and requirements and turn the campaign into a fun and successful business trip.

Be a woman and act like one.

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Success shows many faces.  Literally speaking, I am talking about women who are successful in different careers.  I recently met a successful business woman who also started a political career.  No, I am not talking about Sarah Palin, but there are many more women out there that show a lot of competence, power and grace in the business and political worlds.  Observing successful women in their roles as managers, politicians or any other profession teaches you a lot about female power.

Let me start to talk about a woman I met recently and who started her political career after having a successful business career.  She was middle-aged and experienced a lot in her life – not only fun stuff that was for sure.  When I listened to her speech, I was impressed by her knowledge, but what impressed me even more was her style.  She showed elegance, she was well dressed and she spoke with a pleasant voice communicating in a clear and straightforward manner.  Some might call her a woman with a lot of charisma, while I would call this authenticity.  She acted the way she was, and she was exactly the person she presented to everybody in the audience.  Her presentation convinced me, and the feedback from the audience was in her favor, too.

What is it that makes a speaker pleasant and convincing?  It is the whole package.  When you buy a great gift in a matching and beautiful looking wrap or box, the effect is fantastic.  The manner of presentation is an important factor.  Be aware of how you look and what impression you make on others.  It was a delight to both listen and look at the woman I met.  She had a strong message in terms of content, and she looked great (packaging).  Altogether it was a pleasure to listen and look at her.

At this point you might argue that not every woman inherited the gift of timeless beauty and grace.  Some women will say: “I am not beautiful and a pleasure to look at.  Nobody will love to look and listen to me!”  Others might raise the question: “Do I need to be beautiful to be successful or is beauty rather a disadvantage in competing in a highly competitive world dominated by men.”

Every woman is beautiful in her own way.  This “own way” is what I call authenticity.  If you allow the nature of your personality to shine through you are beautiful and others will pay attention to you.  If you then really have something essential to say, they will not only pay attention, but they will begin to trust and follow you.  This is what I call being successful.

You can see many faces of success.  You meet women in business, in politics and many other areas who make their way successfully.  You will see different faces and personalities, but what they all have in common is: substance and personality.  In the end this is what we like them for.  You literally don’t just buy a wrap, there really is a precious gift inside – the gift of authenticity and female power.

Be a woman and act like one.

Permission to Reprint: You may reprint any items from “The Faces of Success” in your print or electronic newsletter. But please include the following paragraph:

Reprinted from “Hertha Wolff-Arend | Be a Woman and Act Like One” a blog  written by Hertha Wolff-Arend.  Subscribe at http://beawomanandactlikeone.com/ and receive Blog updates by email.

If you like these tips, please pass them on to your friends, clients and colleagues.

Let me start by asking you the following question:  Do you take good care of yourself?  Most women will reply, “I guess I do”, or “What do you mean by self-care?”

There is no broadly accepted single definition of self-care.  It includes health, lifestyle, physical activity, healthy eating etc. just to name a few aspects.  My take on this topic is:  Be your best friend and take care of yourself the way you take care of the people you love.

Of course, this is easier said than done.  Women are often caregivers for the family, children or the elderly, but when it comes to ourselves, it seems like we neglect our own needs and requirements.  This does not work and will take its toll.  If you do not listen to your body and if you constantly deny your own needs you will in the end lack energy and enthusiasm.  Taking care of yourself is similar to keeping a car running.  If you do not take care of your car, no service, no oil-exchange, no maintenance at all, it will break down sooner than you think.  Self-care is maintenance and must become part of your personal and business life.

What about your business life?  I have met various women in leadership roles who did not understand the concept of self-care in the business environment.  Instead, they felt that in order to advance their careers they had to be slaves to their work and create slaves of their subordinates.  Wrong!!!  A strong leader knows how to protect her own interests and needs, while at the same time developing attention and care for co-workers and employees in order to establish an energizing and positive working environment. Why is it so difficult for some leaders, in particular women to reach out for support?  Are they afraid to appear weak or incapable?  That is by no means the case.  A strong leader knows how to delegate and ask for support.  This improves overall performance.

There is no need for extreme self-criticism or being too judgmental about the behavior of others.  Care also means being gentle with yourself and others and allowing everybody room for development.  Women often deal with a strong inner critic.  We rarely feel good enough, we often feel too fat, too ugly, too unattractive… the list is endless.  Send the inner critic away and embrace who you are and what you are capable of doing.

Now ask yourself again if you are taking good care of yourself, and if not what you can do to switch from denial to self-care.

I am convinced that the minute you start paying attention to your own needs, you will become a much happier person, a better business leader and definitely a better friend to yourself and others.  You will still have plenty of time and energy left for the support and care of the people in your life.

Be a woman and act like one.

Permission to Reprint: You may reprint any items from “Women & Self-Care; Not Just a Choice But a Must” in your print or electronic newsletter. But please include the following paragraph:

Reprinted from “Hertha Wolff-Arend | Be a Woman and Act Like One” a blog  written by Hertha Wolff-Arend.  Subscribe at http://beawomanandactlikeone.com/ and receive Blog updates by email.

If you like these tips, please pass them on to your friends, clients and colleagues.