Let me start by asking you the following question: Do you take good care of yourself? Most women will reply, “I guess I do”, or “What do you mean by self-care?”
There is no broadly accepted single definition of self-care. It includes health, lifestyle, physical activity, healthy eating etc. just to name a few aspects. My take on this topic is: Be your best friend and take care of yourself the way you take care of the people you love.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Women are often caregivers for the family, children or the elderly, but when it comes to ourselves, it seems like we neglect our own needs and requirements. This does not work and will take its toll. If you do not listen to your body and if you constantly deny your own needs you will in the end lack energy and enthusiasm. Taking care of yourself is similar to keeping a car running. If you do not take care of your car, no service, no oil-exchange, no maintenance at all, it will break down sooner than you think. Self-care is maintenance and must become part of your personal and business life.
What about your business life? I have met various women in leadership roles who did not understand the concept of self-care in the business environment. Instead, they felt that in order to advance their careers they had to be slaves to their work and create slaves of their subordinates. Wrong!!! A strong leader knows how to protect her own interests and needs, while at the same time developing attention and care for co-workers and employees in order to establish an energizing and positive working environment. Why is it so difficult for some leaders, in particular women to reach out for support? Are they afraid to appear weak or incapable? That is by no means the case. A strong leader knows how to delegate and ask for support. This improves overall performance.
There is no need for extreme self-criticism or being too judgmental about the behavior of others. Care also means being gentle with yourself and others and allowing everybody room for development. Women often deal with a strong inner critic. We rarely feel good enough, we often feel too fat, too ugly, too unattractive… the list is endless. Send the inner critic away and embrace who you are and what you are capable of doing.
Now ask yourself again if you are taking good care of yourself, and if not what you can do to switch from denial to self-care.
I am convinced that the minute you start paying attention to your own needs, you will become a much happier person, a better business leader and definitely a better friend to yourself and others. You will still have plenty of time and energy left for the support and care of the people in your life.
Be a woman and act like one.
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Reprinted from “Hertha Wolff-Arend | Be a Woman and Act Like One” a blog written by Hertha Wolff-Arend. Subscribe at http://beawomanandactlikeone.com/ and receive Blog updates by email.
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Nice blog, Hertha!
I was especially impressed with your paragraph on self-criticism and judgment. Do you have some particular suggestions regarding how someone can cultivate being gentle with self and others?
This is a very complex topic, but I suggest a simple way to approach it. I often tell my coaching clients to treat themselves the way they treat their best and beloved friends or family members. We love our friends or family members with all our hearts. We see that they are not perfect, but we love them anyway. Loving also involves forgiving and embracing a person the way he is not just the way a person appears to be. If you practice to love yourself the way you love the ones that are close to you with all the gentleness and care, you will begin to embrace who you are and not allow the inner critic to take you apart. The same applies to the way you treat others, people that are not close to you and who might seem different to you. Build a bridge of compassion and allow the person to unfold his personality and do not come in with strong judgements. Think of a simple rule that we use in jurisdiction: The accused is not guilty unless otherwise proven. So give the other person the benefit of a doubt and treat him gently almost like a friend.
Nice BLOG Hertha! Look forward to seeing all your wonderful posts! I promise to ask for help, not be a slave to my job and also take care of myself more.
Hi Herta,
I really love this. Funny, we picked the same theme for our blogs!!! I’m looking forward to getting your info. There is also a plug-in where I can subscribe to your blog and get posts by email, I think you should have that options. See you soon Fab Woman! Hope you are feeling better.
Great article, Hertha. It made me realize that I treat everyone, down to the ants that raid my kitchen with more forgiveness than I treat myself! I think I can learn a lot, too, from my dogs, about being playful, in the moment, unself-conscious, forgiving, ego-less and loving. Esther doesn’t care about being five pounds overweight and Rose doesn’t care that her sister (Esther) keeps her subordinate.
My friend, not only are you beautiful, but so very wise! I will attempt to read your blog everyday as a reminder to myself to slow down and take time to love me. I think I did that one weekend in January…time for some more love and care for me! Thanks for coffee this morning! Love your blog!!
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