As with many women, my life is pretty full. It is full of things I like to do, full of thing must do and full of things I feel I must do but don’t do. I hate these days when I run around all day long and by the end of the day I don’t even remember what I did. I am sure you can relate to these feelings. Most of us are multitasking busy bees taking care of everything and everybody and losing our sense for direction and meaning. To escape this vicious circle of “should haves”, “would haves” and” could haves”, I start each day with the question: What do you want to accomplish today? By raising this question, I make sure the day is not going to be lost and I find meaning and direction.
This sounds all great and I hope you trust my true intentions, but there is one missing link. By “saving the world” and giving meaning to my doing, I forget to save enough room for the people I love other than my family – my friends. My family always comes first, then my work and my passion for horses and then my friends. Uups, is there enough room for the people I appreciate so much? Do I spend enough time with my friends who I love and respect, who bring me joy and comfort and who are longing to spend time with me? Of course not, and this bothers me a lot.
Just recently I suffered a complaint of a very good friend who said that it is very hard to be friends with me, because I am so determined by my schedule. This hit me hard, and I hate to say it, but she was right. With a busy schedule, you begin to prioritize and every day you make a decision about what is really important, less important and what can wait for a while. As a result, you lose your flexibility and spontaneity. Schedules begin to rule your life. Being well organized becomes a demon constantly watching over you, making sure that you don’t screw up the so well prepared priority list. You put everything into a useful order and unfortunately some of your friends move down the priority list unless they scream for attention by becoming terribly sick or anything else tragic happens that makes you switch into emergency mode.
The fact is that there is hardly enough time for the inner circle of friends as well as your family. What happened to the woman you met a few months ago after work. You had the best time, great bonding, but…. You can’t really afford to have another friend due to your busy schedule. Or what happened to your friend from the old day? You always had so much fun when you got together. Sorry, my busy schedule hardly leaves any room for old friends. You have to stay focused on the inner circle and the friends who live close by. I could go on and on with examples of missed opportunities to be with wonderful people due to scheduling issues. Yes, social media such as Facebook helps you to reconnect, but no email or post can replace personal contact.
What is the answer to this problem you ask? How can you be focused and organized in life and still have room for your friends – close friends, second row friends and new friends? Honestly, I don’t know. I only know that I am not surrendering and that I will always try my best to be a good friend to the people I love and respect. My motto is: “Quality rules quantity,” saying I will make sure that I stay in touch with the people who are important to me and cherish the time I spend with them. I also enjoy the new and unpredictable encounters with people who are interesting and who I simply enjoy. We might not see each other as frequently as I wish, but when we are together we are having a great time. It is the moment that counts. A life full of great moments is a life better lived than a life with only a few great moments. If you add up all these precious moments they make a lifetime.
And here is the really good news: You are not alone with this problem. My friends fight the same demon and as long as we are all on the same page, we will not lose our valuable friendship. Instead we all work on the quality of the moment and generously neglect the rarity of the event.
Please share your own story and experiences.
Be a woman and act like one.
Hertha
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Great article Hertha! I feel like you were talking directly to me, as I feel like my schedule gets in the way of our friendship. When the days are full, it is almost impossible to be spontaneous and meet for a last minute glass of wine and girl talk.
Thanks for putting perspective on this topic.