On one of my trips to Germany I made an interesting discovery. My old and very good friend told me that she had joined a belly dancing group. Wow! I was impressed, and frankly this was the last thing that I would have expected from her. I had known her more as an athlete. She liked to bike and swim, or she was chasing around town on her rollerblades. What had happened to her, or had I simply failed to perceive who she really was? Anyway, I was very excited to join her at her next belly dancing class to see what I obviously had not seen before in my friend.
Before I talk about what I experienced with that group, I must first share with you my prejudices. Belly dancing is for slightly overweight, but very female looking women. It is an erotic dance for women that enjoy showing off their curves. The oriental music gets on your nerves if you are not used to it, like listening to heavy metal in your 80s. That’s enough confession about my prejudices right now. Let’s move on to what I actually experienced after I decided to encounter this event with an open mind and a lot of compassion.
My friend introduced me to the group of women participating in the class. What I saw was not what I had expected: living proof that any prejudices were worthless and unfair. I met a group of maybe ten women. They were practicing for an upcoming show and there was a lot of excitement and chatting in the room. The participants’ ages ranged from the mid-twenties to the mid-sixties. They were the nicest women you can imagine and by far neither overweight nor showing off and exposing various body parts. There were retired women, an actress, a housewife, a manager … you name it. Their bodies varied too. Some were rather skinny, others more slender or a little bit chubby in certain areas. Some women moved smoothly, others moved a little bit more stiffly, but what they all had in common was a certain feeling for rhythm and music. They obviously had a lot of fun, and I witnessed female power and spirit at its best. What an experience!
The group practiced their show dance on and on, and I could not get enough watching them. They moved their hips and bellies in a way that I could not. They obviously managed to build a lot of stomach muscles and their bodies radiated the message: Look at me. I am beautiful, I am self-confident and I am in connection with my body. What a delight to watch them. All of the women expressed beauty and elegance in their dancing that had nothing to do with perfection. There was no perfect body, but they all looked fantastic and in synch with their inner self when dancing.
I learned a lot that afternoon, and one big lesson definitely was that belly dancing is not “just an oriental dance”, but a wonderful form of being a woman. It does not matter if you are skinny or chubby, young or old, tall or short or whatever. What counts is that you are in synch with yourself. It is important that you are able to accept who you are – the total package.
Women are often unhappy about their looks and do not accept what they see in the mirror. The media feeds us with pictures of beauty that we feel we cannot compete with. Forget all that! Instead embrace who you are and also love the little imperfections we all have. Beauty has nothing to do with perfection but with attitude and acceptance. If you still do not believe what I am saying, join a belly dancing group and experience it for yourself. For me the whole event was an eye opener. Suddenly even my athlete friend appeared in a new light. I saw her femininity and beauty in a way I have not seen before. When she danced to the oriental music, I saw a beautiful and self-confident woman from through and through, and that confirmed to me that we are what we feel and not what we pretend to be. Therefore let your belly dance and have a good summer.
Be a woman and act like one.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
Do you feel you are not the person you want to be? Are you unable to live up to your full potential? Is your life marked by compromise just so you can function?
I can help. We will assess your strengths are and evaluate your current job situation. We are often simply in the wrong position that does not allow us to live up to our full potential. We then hold back because the job description does not allow more or because we are afraid of making a wrong move that has fatal consequences. Coaching will help reveal to you what is holding you back or if you simply need a different platform for your skills.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
You are in a position where you want to make changes. Wouldn’t it be great to have your own business? You become your own boss, nobody is telling you what to do and you can make all the decisions needed for successful development of the enterprise.
Many of us dream of our own business, but only a few follow this path. ‘Why is that?’ you might ask. Is it the financial instability, the fear of failure or is it the comfort of a monthly pay check from a company you don’t necessarily feel responsible for? The answer is: None of this is the real hurdle. Instead it often is a lack of passion – a not knowing what you really want, what you really enjoy and what you are really good at. A lack of passion stops you from living up to your full potential and might be the reason for living an unfulfilled life. If you agree and if you want to dig deeper into this topic, I want to lead you to step one of changing your life into a possible entrepreneurial adventure and a meaningful life.
The Passion List
We all have a long list of strengths and weaknesses, but unfortunately we often get stuck with our weaknesses instead of focusing on what we can do and what we are really good at. As a start, put your inner critic aside and contemplate for a while on your passions. The way you do this is quite simple. Make a list of 10 points capturing your passions. Do not yet prioritize, just list all of your passions. These can be hobbies, skills and also family and friends can be on the list. Just name whatever crosses your mind that is something you are passionate about.
In the next step, you begin to prioritize and try to figure out what the three strongest passions are. This is the hard part. For example if you have cooking, gardening, family as your three strongest passions on the list, you now must find out which is number one, number two and number three. To make this step even harder, I want you to ask yourself the following question: If you can only rescue one, which one would you choose? If you can only choose cooking by never getting the chance to do gardening again, would you still prefer cooking? I know this is not how life works, but for best results it is unavoidable. Of course, we can follow various passions in our life and there is nothing wrong with that. But in order to find the strongest passion as the basis for future business ideas, we must go through this process. There is only one answer and it can take time to get there.
The purpose of this exercise is to find your strongest passion which will then lead you to what you want to do to give this passion shape and make it the foundation for your business idea or for looking for employment in the market. Take your time for this exercise and be honest and gentle with yourself. What is the one thing that drives you and gives your life meaning?
The Vision
It is one thing to say you want to have your own business, but what exactly do you want to do? You have ideas which change as often as you change your clothes. There are ideas that simply don’t stick with you, even though they seem to be strong ideas with a good chance for success. I remember after we relocated to the States, I woke up every morning with a new business idea. By the next day or after a few days, the same idea that seemed to blow my mind had simply dissolved. It simply did not stick with me and I went on to explore the next idea. What I was lacking at that time was clarity about my passion and a lack of vision. In those days, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life professionally. I had no sense of purpose and I did not know in which direction I wanted to go.
Without a vision, there won’t be a business. A business without a vision is destined for failure. Once you know what your passion is, you can continue with the vision on the way towards future business success.
Here is a definition by Wikipedia:
Vision: Defines the way an organization or enterprise will look in the future. Vision is a long-term view, sometimes describing how the organization would like the world to be in which it operates. For example, a charity working with the poor might have a vision statement which reads “A World without Poverty.”
You are passionate about fashion and you love designing. Now imagine that you are the enterprise and you want to develop your vision such as “feminine fashion at affordable prices” into a business idea. Getting so close to what you really like, you might want to start a retail business in fashion or maybe you begin to design clothes and sell the designs to bigger manufacturers. The list of options is huge as soon as you know what your passion and your vision are. Allow all your business ideas to arise and be with them for a while and give the whole process some time to find a shape that sticks with you.
The Business Plan
Now that you have come this far, the next step is almost easy. You have arrived at the point when you must do the due diligence, the planning and the marketing. I recommend seeking professional support to work your way through this process. You must make sure to find the right area for opening your business; you must clarify the finances and investment, and you need to do some research to find out where your target market is. The business plan is important for your negotiations with a bank and it also includes business goals to keep you on track. You will find free business plan templates online if you want to work yourself through the process at this point.
It is a lot of work, but it is a straightforward process once you are clear about what you want to do.
Final thoughts
If you do not intend to start your own business, but you are looking for purpose and direction you can go through the same process. Then ask yourself the question if the company you are working for and the industry you are working in is what you really want to do. Knowing about our passions and finding a vision is the basis for living a meaningful life, and this does not depend on whether you work for yourself or for somebody else. It is all about what you do for yourself and what you do with your life that allows you to live up to your full potential.
Be a woman and act like one. Please share your story with other women and let us learn from each other.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
Are you unhappy about your life? Do you find yourself complaining, nagging and simply being negative and resentful? Do you envy other women for their lives and accomplishments while you feel like you are falling behind? There is nothing that you fully enjoy and you can’t think of anything you can do about it. You don’t live the life you want to live, but who does? Life is what it is and you have learned to accept it that way no matter what. You are resilient and what keeps you going is your hope for better days.
Many women can relate to these feelings and they don’t know what to do about it. They are perfectly healthy but they feel overwhelmed by life and the challenges they are dealing with. They often don’t know how to get out of this state of unhappiness. They are not sick and, therefore, do not see a doctor. They are simply unhappy with their lives and this emotional state does not necessarily ask for therapy or medication.
What can I do when I feel unhappy?
The search for the “because”.
This is how you can start becoming a happier person. Find a deeper connection to your feelings. It is not enough to say that you are unhappy. Find out what exactly makes you unhappy. A way to get closer to your inner self is by observing yourself and taking notes. Ask yourself the following question every day and write down what you observed.
What made me happy today and what pulled me down?
It is a simple as that. Observe yourself over a period of time and write down what you observed. After a few weeks you will most probably recognize a pattern which will lead you to a clearer understanding of what is making you happy or unhappy. As a result of this observation, you will know why you feel the way you feel.
I am (un)happy, because……
Once you found the “because” you can move on to the next step.
The call to action
Once you realize what makes you unhappy, you can deal with it. There is no need to eat anything that gets served. Just as you make your choices at the dining table, you can make choices in your life. Let go of whatever makes you unhappy or learn to live with it happily. We must understand that we cannot change others, but we can develop an attitude that allows us to be who we are no matter what. For example: We cannot change the evil mother-in-law, but we can find a way to deal with her from a certain perspective. We cannot change the company rules, but we can either look for another job or we learn the company rules very well and use them to our advantage. You cannot change your boss, but you can change your relationship with him. We cannot always change what bothers us, but we can change being bothered all the time. Accepting what is does not mean suffering from what is. For example: You can just keep on complaining about the bad relationship you have with your husband, but you can also get a divorce or develop a way of thinking and feeling that leaves you happy and not frustrated. In order to do so, you must understand your emotions first.
“The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.”
Baruch Spinoza
Develop gratitude
Why do we need the experience of being on the edge of life to appreciate what we have? When you talk to women who are cancer survivors or who have escaped other life threatening situations, you will feel their gratitude. They do not complain about daily life’s mishaps and they do not nag and whine because they are unhappy. Instead they appreciate every day as a gift. Learn from these women and begin to appreciate what you have. Yes, life is not always easy and we get burdened with all kinds of challenges, but there is still a lot to be happy about.
Write a mental gratitude list every night in bed or before you got to bed. In your mind list at least 10 things that make you happy and appreciative. You will be surprised how much value you will find in your life, how many reasons for happiness you have and that even in the darkest moments there is a small light that guides you. Look for these lights and appreciate them. Lead your mind to the wonderful things in life and allow happiness to develop around them.
I would like to end my thoughts with one of my favorite poems that summarizes beautifully what happiness is all about.
Happiness is…
HAPPINESS is like a crystal,
Fair and exquisite and clear,
Broken in a million pieces,
Shattered, scattered far and near.
Now and then along life’s pathway,
Lo! some shining fragments fall;
But there are so many pieces
No one ever finds them all.
You may find a bit of beauty,
Or an honest share of wealth,
While another just beside you
Gathers honor, love or health.
Vain to choose or grasp unduly,
Broken is the perfect ball;
And there are so many pieces
No one ever finds them all.
Yet the wise as on they journey
Treasure every fragment clear,
Fit them as they may together,
Imaging the shattered sphere,
Learning ever to be thankful,
Though their share of it is small;
For it has so many pieces
No one ever finds them all.
PRISCILLA LEONARD
Be a woman and act like one. Please share your story of happiness and let us all learn from your life.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
NUMBER 6
Do you tend to procrastinate? Do you avoid certain topics by distraction or total denial? Do you have problems seeing the reality of life the way it is because you embrace what you want to see and deny the rest?
I can help. Procrastination has very deep roots. We will have intense conversations, and I will ask you skilled questions that will reveal the blind spots you like to avoid. By finding out why you are procrastinating, you will be able to change this habit of avoidance and postponement and live a life with more honesty towards yourself.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
There are many areas that need support from a Business Coach. Let me address the main areas I have been confronted with in my coaching practice and summarize 10 reasons to hire me as your Business Coach:
Number 5
Are you disconnected with yourself? Is your mind in disharmony with your body? Do you feel torn apart by what you really want and what you feel?
I can help. I am a certified Integral Coach with the training and experience to help you regain the inner peace and harmony needed to balance your life and being. In order to become one, we need to look into the various domains that form the whole picture.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
Don’t expect a follow up of the popular soap opera. There is more serious stuff than TV intrigues, felony or other evil behavior. Instead I want to discuss the understanding of gender roles and family dynamics in times of recession –real life.
The idea to write about this topic evolved when I found an article in the December issue 2010 of Newsmax with the title: “The Down-on-their-luck wives club”. The title caught my attention right away and I wondered what was behind it.
The Recession-Prosperity Comparison
Let me start with the survey by researchers Marybeth J. Mattingly and Kristin E. Smith of the University of New Hampshire. The survey considered the population survey of May 2008 and 2009 and compared the findings to May 2004 and 2005 – recession versus relative prosperity. The study was published in the journal Family Relations and revealed some interesting results.
American families are experiencing the effects of the ‘Great Recession’.
From December 2007 to January 2010 the US economy lost 8.4 million jobs.
The statistics, in conjunction with high losses in investments, unprecedented housing price declines, and mortgage foreclosures earn this recession the distinction of the worst recession in decades.
Families are responding to the deep financial strain caused by the Great Recession with an increase in wives labor force participation.
The current recession, with heavy job loss among men, has pushed many families to rely on wives as breadwinners to a larger extent than in the past.
Women are looking for and commencing work and they increase their work hours when their husbands stop working.
Wives are seeking jobs more often than they are finding them.
Wives earnings tend to be lower than husbands. Therefore families may still take a hit financially, if they rely primarily on their earnings.
Some of the consequences of the Great Recession reflect dramatic changes in the roles of women and men in society.
Women now hold nearly 50% of non-farm payroll jobs. Given that three-fourths of recent job losses accrued to men, many married women have increased their role as economic providers.
For more details on the survey: Family Relations 59 (October 2010)
( http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2010.00607.x/full )
The way out of desperation into inspiration
When you read the results of the survey you might feel desperate and frustrated. Maybe you are one of the housewives, maybe you could become one of the housewives or maybe you know a housewife who was forced back into the labor market whether she liked it or not. No matter what your position, I invite you to look at this topic with an open mind.
Every situation, no matter how great or miserable, involves a new perspective – a chance for a new beginning. Yes, you don’t like change and you would rather keep everything warm and cozy the way it is. Life does not work that way. Suddenly and without doing anything, you find yourself in a flow of water, a strong stream pushing you forward even though you don’t want to move forward. You want to stay just where you are but the stream is too strong to resist. It forces you into a direction you don’t want to go, but there is not much you can do. You resist and resist until you lose all your strength and energy and finally surrender weakened and deeply hurt. This is a painful scenario and this is exactly what happens when you try to stop a force that is stronger than you are – the force of nature.
Now look at a different scenario. Again, suddenly without doing anything, you find yourself caught in the middle of a strong stream of water pushing you forward relentlessly. You feel the power and you realize that you cannot fight it. Instead you use all your strength and energy to stay in the flow and become one with the stream. You allow the power of nature to carry you until it comes to exhausts itself. You look up and continue your path from there.
Two scenarios and two different outcomes. I guess we agree that the second scenario is much more inspiring and creates a more positive outlook on life.
When you realize that you cannot stop the flow, ride on top of it. You might even enjoy the ride that brings you to new places with new outcomes. Become a winner and not a victim. As much as you liked what you had, look forward to want you can achieve. This brings me back to the headline that caught my attention: “The Down-on-Their-Luck Wives Club”. I don’t agree to this headline, and I don’t think you need to lose your luck in these tough economic times. Instead, I prefer “The Comeback of the inspired Housewives” who reinvent themselves and are more successful and happy than ever.
Be a woman and act like one.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
Part 3
Finally over 40!
An homage to the women over 40 and older – much, much older
When I was about 16 years old, I bought my mother a book for her birthday with the title, Hooray, I am finally over 40. I knew my mother was struggling with aging and I wanted to cheer her up with some uplifting reading. I also remember that I thought 40 years was really old. I could not see any reason for happiness or joy at getting that old. But I wanted to be supportive and bought that book. She may not have even read it. In any event, I had the best intentions and supposedly it is the thought that counts.
When I started writing about the topic of aging, this book came back to me. Now, I confess to being over 50 years old, and I can finally relate to the joy of having entered into the more mature part of life. Of course, aging is not pure joy. There are the inevitable aches and pains, and severe illnesses increasingly challenge us as we get older. Nevertheless, I intend to focus on the joy older age can bring us, no matter whether we still have the gift of health.
My mother-in-law embodies graceful aging. She is almost 92 years old and my role model. She is blessed with decent health, but she does not take it for granted and she takes very good care of herself. Her positive attitude and her cheerfulness are outstanding. It is so much fun to be with her. I have never heard her complain or seen her being miserable and moody. If I was an artist, I would draw a picture of her classic position: Sitting at a table, in front of her a book, maybe a cup of coffee or a glass of wine next to her while she celebrates reading her book. Yes, she celebrates reading as much as she celebrates everything she is does. She always enjoys the sparkle of the moment. When you enter her house, you feel the peace and contentment she has created around her. And whenever she starts feeling a bit uncomfortable or a bit tired, she withdraws to her room for a brief rest to return as energized and eager as ever.
Wouldn’t you love to live and experience intensity of the moment, fully enjoying every day that you are permitted to be alive. Aging has its challenges, but when we learn to take every day as a gift, we are able to cherish the moment much more.
I am lucky to know several women who have become much more content, with a sense of accomplish in their older age. Yet it is so easy to miss the positive side of aging because of the natural tendency to focus on the unavoidable downside. As we pass 40, we sense that we have entered the second half of our lives. If you are negatively disposed, you grieve the loss of youth and feel that you have already lost half your life. A positive person reacts with, “Great, I have a good 40 years to do whatever I want.” Yes, it’s that thing about whether the glass is half full or half empty. If you can truly see that the glass is half full instead of half empty, you passage through the rest of your life will be much easier and enjoyable, no matter the challenges you face.
I have met women over 50 struggling with cancer or other life-threatening diseases who still keep their positive attitude towards life and refuse to surrender their cheerfulness and optimism. My very dear friend Becky, who was recently diagnosed with cancer, is the most beautiful person you can imagine. Her beauty expresses itself in her very nature, her good spirits and her great courage. She has already gone through a lot in life, and she is taking on the challenge of being severely ill in the same, outstanding manner. She doesn’t complain or express anger at the cards she has been dealt. Instead she expresses gratefulness and love for being alive, and she enjoys the company of loving family members and friends. She shows me every time I see her that I don’t have to be afraid of life or aging. I have it within my own power to be happy and get the most out of my life, no matter what comes.
Look around at the older women you know. You will certainly find inspiration and stories to share. Perhaps you will realize that your own story is one of them. Please, share these role model stories with your friends. Let us all celebrate being alive, being happy and being women with power and strong spirits – no matter how old we are.
On my next trip to Germany, I have to look for that book again just in case my mother has kept it on her bookshelf.
Be a woman and act like one.
Share your story on this blog. It is a way to support other women who might struggle with aging and who will find strength through your way of looking at life.
Become a fan and follow me on Facebook!
There are many areas that need support from a Business Coach. Let me address the main areas I have been confronted with in my coaching practice and summarize 10 reasons to hire me as your Business Coach:
4. Do you want to strengthen your leadership skills? Do you feel that you have not lived your role as a team leader to its full potential?
I can help. I am certified in an assessment tool that will identify your strengths and also areas for improvement in the emotional skills that are essential for success as a leader. After the assessment I will help you create your personal development plan that supports your efforts to be a genuine leader.
Part 2
It’s not all about looks
Hello, wise Bond girl. Did you read my latest blog? Could you relate to the struggle with aging and did you discover your sense of humor and wisdom to respond to the unstoppable evolution of aging with ease and lightness? I really hope so, because real beauty is not just a facade.
I must admit that I am conscious of my own looks. It is important to me to look the best I can. What do I mean by looking good? Of course, I like to dress up and polish my look. But what gives me the real kick has nothing to do with fashion or make-up. I love the days when I feel connected with myself and I am in balance. I feel that this inner balance shows on the outside. It has nothing to do with feeling younger, but I like what I see in the mirror and this is a happy middle aged woman who has kept a certain glow and shine. This is what I like to see in myself and this is what makes my day. If then I encounter disapproval or non-recognition, such as I described in the little anecdotes in my last blog, I can easily live with it. I can develop the sense of humor needed to deal with it, because I am in a good place in my life.
This leads to the question: Is beauty visible to everybody?’ It takes certain skills to see through the façade and discover the true value. Not everybody is able to see what is not obvious. There is a saying, ‘Not all that shines is gold’. For us women, this means we can use as much make-up as we like, we can wear the coolest fashion and slim down to model sizes and we will still not be beautiful. Isn’t that weird? Fashion magazines show us exactly that and pretend it is called beauty. They are wrong. They show us the world of glamor and fill our hearts with envy, but all they show us is façade.
Once women understand that facades have no depth and are rather misleading, women will begin the real make-up – a make-up of their inner values. What makes us beautiful is who we are and what we represent in the meaning of virtues, emotional skills and personality. Yes, you will say, that is what they all say. It is the inner beauty that counts, but then by the end of the day, the young and beautiful woman gets the promotion, or the sexy lady gets all the attention. How can inner beauty help me to succeed in my life?
As I said, the problem is that many people out there do not have the ability to recognize real beauty and they make their decisions based purely upon appearances. We cannot change this stupidity and incompetence by complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves. Not everybody gets it, and that is o.k. It is on you to decide whether you let these disappointments get under your skin or if you simply take it with humor and maybe compassion for these innocent, misguided souls.
Your choice is to stay true to yourself and be authentic and real. Of course, we make sure we look our best, but that is not the key to success and accomplishment. The main challenge we have is to work on being a beautiful woman from the inside. Being beautiful means for example being real, showing glow, feeling confident, making smart choices, having a great sense of humor, expressing love and simply embracing the person you are. The more you are in tune with who you are, the more others will be in tune with you. When you feel good about yourself, others will find it much easier to like you. When you are feeling beautiful as a woman, others will look at you the same way (a few dumb exceptions just confirm the rule). As a result, creating beauty is a simple yet nonetheless tough challenge. It is so much easier to dress sexy and wear glamorous make-up than restoring your inside. It takes much more effort to find inner balance and build self-confidence than to dress up for an occasion.
If you are willing to work and create your own beauty, you will not only convince the outside world, but you will become a much happier person. This new person reveals an ageless beauty that can compete with anything and everybody if necessary. This ageless beauty glows like the first morning light. It brings beauty and guidance to the world and grows into the glorious light that makes it so unique.
Be a woman and act like one.
In the last part of the series, I would like to talk about older women I love and adore and what we can learn from them.
Part 3:
Finally over 50!
An homage to the women over 50 and older – much, much older
